Lessons in Patience

Posted on March 16, 2016 by tsandhage


I’m in Sherling Lake Campground. I will be here 3 – 4 weeks. Spring is coming through the area and the weather is wonderful! Since I’m headed home, and going very slowly, it occurs to me I will be extending my experience of Spring for quite a while. I think that is a good thing.
After I got to Dauphin Island (DI), I began having intermittent right heel pain. My Achilles tendon was pulling on my heel but I couldn’t understand why. It would stretch out as I walked a little so I didn’t spend too much time thinking about it. Just before I left DI, I was starting to walk a bit over a mile. I enjoyed it and it was pretty easy. Every once in a while, I would experience heel pain but it would work itself out from moving around and from letting it rest overnight.
When I arrived at Sherling Lake Campground, I began walking more. This is a great place for walking though it has some ups and downs. I walked a short distance and didn’t push myself. I played with hills and found I improved in my endurance quickly. So, I decided to walk a good distance with some hills and valleys. I measured it with a distance checker on my phone and it was 1.25 miles; no more than my longest distance on DI and I felt good. Yea!
When evening came, I got up to go to bed and couldn’t walk. My heel hurt! I was shocked and couldn’t figure out what I’d done. I hobbled to bed. Thank goodness a RV has a lot of support built in for moving through it.
The next morning, my heel wasn’t any better. I was baffled. I sat trying to figure out what I could have possibly done for my heel to hurt this badly. Finally, it dawned on me that the walk, while not greater in distance than DI’s walks, was definitely more challenging because of the hills/valleys. I had finally determined my Achilles tendon had shortened in my years of favored walking due to a right knee injury years earlier. Now that I was walking more normally, my tendon was being stretched and stressed. So, I did what all the exercise people tell one to do and I stretched my tendon using a step and lowering my heels to create the stretch. On one of the lowers, I felt and heard a tear. Whoops! Okay, bad idea.
Now, I have been resting my heel for over a week. While I can now walk on it, it still hurts and is healing very slowly. Any walking is countered by my heel “talking” to me. This tells me if I’ve done too much. I’m being decent though patience is still not my strong suite. Sadly, I realize my time here will pass before my heel allows me to walk well. I simply hope it  heals by the time I am home (almost 2 months from now) so I don’t have to go to the doctor to find out why it isn’t healing.
The lesson? Listen to my body. I know this lesson. Obviously, I have not learned it well enough.
How good are you at listening to you body? Or do you prefer your body listen to you? No judgment here because I, obviously, need to have more patience with my body than I do.

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We Have All The Answers

Posted on February 15, 2016 by tsandhage


When I say we have all the answers, I don’t mean we are know-it-alls. I mean the answers to our questions are all inside us. They come in our dreams, our insights, in our knowing. Most of us are taught to ignore them. We may even be ridiculed for listening to what we know because we don’t have conventional proof. None of that matters unless we allow it to matter. No one is entitled to know your thoughts; they are yours.
Learning to listen to one’s self is an unlearning of the training one has received. Learning to relax and find the joy in life sounds, to some, like being unproductive and lazy. However, many studies have shown “doing nothing” has great creative potential and is from where inspiration comes. My favorite thing is to do what others consider nothing. It brings me joy, love, and a freedom from all the thoughts that run through my head on a regular basis. I’ve noticed the more I do nothing, the more relaxed, non-judgmental, and happier I feel. Which is why my quest for this year has been to bring more laughter and play into my life.
Both laughter and play are very active ways of being in the world. I’ve noticed a more laid back attitude developing within myself from choosing to play rather than be busy or working. Play can be incorporated into the things we normally consider work by choosing to find the fun within the task rather than feel we are being forced to do something. If we look at every thing we do as a choice, which it is, we can begin to find the play built into the activity. For instance, I go bike riding. The question I am most often asked is how far I’ve gone. I don’t have an answer because I don’t keep track of my mileage and I don’t ride it as quickly as possible. I tend to ride as slowly as possible, look at the scenery, and get absorbed in the sounds happening around me as I travel through Nature. Riding my bike in this manner clears my head of thoughts and brings a smile to my face. When I return, I feel refreshed, energized, and ready to play around with some other part of my life.
I’ve also quit trying to help people. If people want my help, I am there for them. The kind of help to which I’m referring is the kind where I might try to show them a different way of looking at their lives. Yes, I do that through this blog but the blog is here for people to read or not read. No one is being forced to read what I have to say. I am taking the same approach to conversations. I try to only respond when I am specifically asked for my thoughts and I talk only as long as the person is listening. If I watch someone’s face and eyes, I can tell when they are interested/uninterested in what I’m saying. I’ve also given up caring whether people follow through on their words. Actions mean so much more to me these days. I disengage more frequently from interactions where someone’s words and actions are not in alignment.
Probably the biggest change I’ve made in my life, for the past year and continuing, is to take complete responsibility for my actions and reactions. This has been a particularly difficult task for me. It is getting much easier. Any time I notice myself having a reaction or resistance to something, I know there is a part of me which I have been ignoring. I know I must bring that part of myself into the foreground and bring love and acceptance to the feeling. It resolves very quickly when I do this though I admit some take longer than others. The ones which are taking a long time are judgments which some part of me is unwilling to release. I know I have one in particular that has followed me for years and, while I can let it go logically, I have been unable to completely release it emotionally. So, judgment is the only thing I’m focusing on releasing this year. I came to the conclusion all resistance and reactions are about judgment so that seems to be the area holding me up.
So, while it may look like I’m doing nothing, I will be playing, laughing, and releasing all judgements. I think that’s a pretty big to-do list.

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The Question of Darkness

Posted on January 30, 2016 by tsandhage


I have a working theory which says, people who seem to be negative, controlling, or who seem to take pleasure in another’s unhappiness, are afraid of the Light. Let me be clear, they don’t dislike the Light nor do they lack a Light of their own; they are simply afraid of the Light. I believe the reason for this stems from childhood, when they had no control over their lives. Children often feel there is something wrong with them when things happen around them which they do not understand; they blame themselves, assume responsibility. I believe children can think their Light is causing the problems and begin to hide their light in order to keep peace and harmony; they might fade into the background or they might become strong and controlling and negative to show they are as dark as the world they see around them.
These children grow up to become adults who Love the Light but are afraid of it. They will become involved with a being of Light and then, after marriage/commitment, become mentally and emotionally abusive to the being of Light. Not because they don’t like the Light but because it scares them. They know, from experience, the Light is dangerous and the being of Light is endangering themselves so the person who is hiding their Light begins trying to protect the being of Light from themselves by getting them to hide their Light. After years of deprogramming, because it is the equivalent of deprogramming, the Light being begins to dim their Light. Any children born to this union will also be required to dim their Light if it shines too brightly and comes into the awareness of the protective parent. The parent does not see their behavior as abusive because they are doing their job as a parent; protecting their children at all costs.
I admire all the Lightworker’s in the world who take on the responsibility of bringing out the Light in the rest of us. Being paired with someone who is so afraid of the Light is a huge challenge and not one I think most Lightworker’s assume with intent. I think they fall into this role because they believe their Light is appreciated and then are confused when their Light is suddenly not okay. However, if survived, this is the tempering which makes the Lightworker strong and able to withstand anything the world throws their way. Imagine how well tuned a Lightworker is who can convince a scared child/adult to let their Light shine when they are terrified to do so. Imagine the Love required to overcome the resistance. It may seem insurmountable.
I think, with the understanding I’ve come to, it may be possible to withstand the onslaught of abuse until the Lightworker can show, through example, how safe living in the Light can be. As Lightworker’s, I think this is why we are here; to understand, to patiently be an example of Light, and to bend without breaking under the pressure to conform. Water is malleable and does not pressure objects around it to change but it does change the objects around it over time. Be the water, be the Light. We all need you.
Are there any thoughts you would add to this?

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Releasing the need for Approval

Posted on January 15, 2016 by tsandhage


This past week has been full of learning for me. Early in the week, I needed some help, asked for it, received it, and was thrilled with the results. I learned something new and my challenge was solved. Later in the day, I overheard a conversation where my helper was complaining about my not allowing them to help me after asking for help. I was hurt and found myself crying because I felt so hurt. When the person was alone, I told them I’d overheard their comments and that I felt hurt; I did not try to cover my tears. They denied complaining about me and said they were so proud of me for being so independent.
While they were talking, I had a revelation. My heart was open and filled with love for them. Not because of what they were saying but because I saw the hurt within them. I saw they had been upset that I hadn’t handed the project over to them. While they were proud of me for being independent, their value was in their ability to feel useful and needed. They had not felt useful and needed even though I greatly valued what they had taught me. I realized my Ego was where I was feeling the hurt and their Ego had gotten bruised as well. It was very clear to me that hurt people, hurt people.
I returned to my RV and spent the rest of the week pondering this incident and wondering if there were some way to do better in the future yet continue to take care of myself. At the end of the week, I realized this incident was no different than when I use to be evaluated, as a teacher, by my students. There were always comments pro/con and I appreciated them but I use to find myself dwelling upon the comments about which I could do nothing like, “The room was too warm.” I realized this situation was like the room being too warm. It is one person’s desire for things to be different. I could accomodate by changing who I am and my behavior. However, I have done that for far too many years and I believe it’s why I’m in the health situation I’m currently trying to heal. So, I will not be changing myself in a way to accomodate this person or, probably, many others in the future. I empathize that my behavior and demeanor causes others pain because of how they view the world. However, I am on a journey to find myself and I will continue on that journey. The rewards have made it well worth letting other people deal with their feelings. The rewards are also worth being judged and being found lacking by others. I am beginning to like myself again. I have laughed more in this past week, even with all the comtemplation, than I have in the past year. I want to continue on my journey in my way. Maybe I will find other people who want to be allowed to travel on their journey; I’m hopeful.
My biggest realization lies in understanding I can live life from my Ego or I can live life from my Heart. I’ve always realized these two areas are very different. However, I hadn’t realized how differently the two see the world and my experience of this world. I will be proceeding by listening to my Ego and reassuring it that my Heart’s desires will also make my Ego happy. I love coming from a place of feeling overwhelmed with Love for others. My Love for others gives me a great feeling of empathy and kindness. I find this so much more enjoyable than any fear based emotion like anger.
The second thing which happended this week is, my husband pointed out I sound so much happier when I answer the phone. I didn’t pick up on the significance of that right away. After some thought, I remembered when I left home I was still feeling great irritation when the phone rang or pinged. The noise was a signal for my attention and I didn’t have any energy to give to others so I was reacting to the noise with great anger. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to people, it was simply my energy was that depleted. Now, I have some small reserves of energy so, when the phone rings or dings, I feel like interacting with whoever or whatever is on the other end. While this may seem like a nothing occurence, it is significant to me. It shows me how much my health has improved in the past 3 1/2 months.
Another area of improvement is bike riding. At first, I was trying to put in miles but I found it exhausting. Then I changed to playing. That is so much more fun! I started out with making circles, doing serpentines, and making figure 8’s. That was okay but soon got boring. Then I changed to seeing how slow I can go. That was much better. I became distraced by the scenery around me; I would get lost in looking around. So, my new bike riding has speeded up a little (I don’t even think about the pedaling) and I look around and enjoy the scenery. I admit this is easier to do on a trike than a two-wheeled bike. 🙂
Since adding play to my day, I have found I do not feel exhausted at the end of the day. Before I was going to bed around 7PM. Now, I am staying awake until 10PM sometimes. If I want to go to bed earlier, I do. I finally feel like I’m learning to live my life again. I’m quite enjoying it!

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Springy Steps

Posted on December 30, 2015 by tsandhage


I’ve noticed, for some time, my lack of ability to jump, run, or bounce with ease. I’ve played with improving my ability sporadically but I haven’t dedicated any time to it because it wore me out too quickly. That made improving my lightness on my feet less of a priority. Now, however, I have the time and energy to put forth the effort to find the spring in my step and lighten the load – so to speak. Being grounded is important but I think we become too grounded when we are no longer able to move quickly and lightly. The lack of ability to move easily is caused by a few factors like shoes constricting the feet, lack of playing, landing on our heels when we run, lack of moving about on uneven and unsure terrain. There are some people who do not lose their lightness on their feet and those people tend to spend time outdoors and they often go barefoot.
Since I’m staying in locales which do not require shoes, other than sandals, I can allow my feet to be flexibile and available. Some of the things I plan to do to regain flexibility in my feet include walking on the balls of my feet while allowing the metatarsals to provide the ability to raise/lower my heel from/to the ground, jumping up/down in place, doing kangaroo hops, playing hopscotch (without the actual lined layout), hopping from one foot to the other, jogging, skipping, and walking with the intention of using my foot in an efficient manor to push me into the next step. In other words, I’m going to return to acting like a kid as I move about in this world. Yes, I’m relearning how to walk. I have been bedridden and worn shoes for far too long. Put those two things together and you have an aging person. I am reclaiming my younger years by reclaiming my feet and ankles.
What can you do to regain your feet and, possibly, make you feel like a kid again?

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The Anger-Fatigue Connection

Posted on December 15, 2015 by tsandhage


In the USA, there seem to be many people who are angry about many things. We also seem to become a nation that prides itself on how little sleep it gets. I believe there is a connection between anger and fatigue for the population as a whole and, especially, people who suffer from autoimmune disease, chronic pain, or chronic illness.
When I was first experiencing illness, I was exhausted all the time as well as in continual pain. I had pushed myself. I had fallen prey to the idea that sleep was for those who had nothing to do. I had believed sleeping less meant I was valuable, important, and that without me certain things would never get done. But, after pushing myself into such extreme illness I could no longer function I decided it was time to reassess my belief system. So, out of frustration and since I couldn’t work anyway, I decided I would see how long I would sleep before I would naturally stay awake. It took 2 years of sleeping 20 – 24 hour days before I suddenly started staying awake 8 hours per day naturally. If I stayed awake 10 hours, I was forcing it and would soon get more ill. 10 years later I am able to stay awake all day without repercussions. I wake up energized and I don’t feel tired throughout the day. If I do find myself tired, I offer my body sleep. It has not been taking the opportunity and, after about 20 minutes of sitting, I am ready to get up and go again. I am free of pain, headaches, fevers, and fatigue. It is an amazing feeling and has happened within the past couple of weeks. It may be one of those times when it will go away soon but it feels different this time. I still do not tolerate heat well. I am always surprised, when the weather gets warmer, how I feel run down as soon as I step outside. If I move back to Air Conditioning (AC) and cool off, I feel energetic again.
I first began noticing that,when I was tired, I was a very angry person. Since that is not my nature, I really noticed the anger. Even if no one was around, I was angry. My brain (Ego driven) would make up scenarios that couldn’t even happen that were anger producing. I would rehash things that had happened in the past, recently or many years ago. It was exhausting! I didn’t Immediately connect that the anger was being driven by the fatigue. Eventually, I did wonder about the connection so, any time I would find myself angry, I would stop and offer myself sleep. I always went to sleep. When I woke up, I was no longer angry and the angry thoughts were gone from my mind.
When I was taking and teaching “Awareness Through Movement” classes, people would fall asleep during the lesson. As a student, I fell asleep also. This caused many to be upset with themselves because they were missing the lesson. However, the sleep happens because the body needs the rest. A person will not fall asleep if they are rested and not tired.
We may feel we don’t have time or are too busy to sleep but lack of sleep often leads to diseases. It definitely leads to anger. I realize people don’t want to sleep their lives away. I realize people are told they can catch up on their sleep; you can’t. Sleep is important. Sleep is not a waste of your time. Sleep is when the body heals itself. Even people who are chronically in pain will not sleep. Even they make excuses about not having time. Yet they complain because of their symptoms. Which is more important to get better or to push oneself to do things throughout the day? As a person who has spent many of the past 12 years asleep, I chose to heal and I’m glad I did. Yes, it was hard to opt-out of activities. Yes, it was hard on my husband to do things without me. But, I, too, wanted a life. However, I wanted one which did not include illness. So, I am still taking the time to listen closely to my body and ask “What do you need, What food do you want to eat, Are you tired, Do you want to sleep or do you simply want to rest, How may I help you heal?” It is through these questions I have been able to get back my health. Am I done getting back my health? I don’t know. It’s new so we will see what comes up for me in the future. I will continue to ask my body what it needs to remain healthy. I feel certain, if I really listen to it, I will not find myself ill again.
I sincerely hope the rest of the world will take the time to see if they have an anger-fatigue connection. If you do, please honor it. It is far better to honor it before you become chronically ill than to wait until  you are chronically ill. It takes much longer to fix something which has completely broken down than it does to repair a body which is only minimally impaired.

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Meditation Is Easy

Posted on November 30, 2015 by tsandhage


Have you read that the new adult coloring books are as good for you as meditation? I laughed when I read this. Not because it isn’t true but because it is. Why is it as good? Because coloring in the adult coloring books is meditation.
People seem to want meditation to be difficult. Meditation is easy, it’s the people doing it who are making it difficult. People have heard about how they have to sit in a certain position and clear their minds of all thought. Neither of those are true. Thich Nhat Hanh likes to do walking meditations. Deepak Chopra tries to bring meditation into every aspect of his daily life. There are no rules.
Have you ever lost track of time? Most people have. That was a time when you were meditating. Yes, you may have been focused on a task. However, if you think about it, you were thinking about the task at hand and your mind was probably pretty still, which is a nice side benefit. Meditation is not about getting the mind to be free of thoughts. It is about focusing and letting go of the need to notice time and let your mind become more still. There can still be thoughts there and your mind be still.
With practice, meditation in more diverse situations becomes possible but give yourself a break and start with what you can do. If woodworking calms you and takes you to a different world, then that is your form of meditation and what you should do to begin your practice. Cooking, walking, running, staring at a tree, coloring in a book, drawing, working on your vehicle, running wiring, reading a book, listening to music, taking a shower can all be forms of meditation. As you can see, anything can be used to meditate so don’t limit yourself. If you get really good at meditation, you can begin to meditate throughout your day and watch your life change dramatically!
Fighting your ability to meditate or refusing to meditate unless you can do it a certain way will stop you from meditating and reaping the vast rewards. I ask you, though, why are you fighting the idea of meditation? What are you afraid will happen? Why do you insist meditation be difficult? I really want to understand. I hope you do too.

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Learning From Joy vs Pain

Posted on November 15, 2015 by tsandhage


I read and hear people say how we learn the most from painful experiences. I use to buy into this way of thinking until one day I read, I believe it was Abraham-Hicks, how we choose to learn from pain but we could just as easily learn from joy. Reading this caused me to stop and think very critically about this statement. I believe this was my first introduction to Abraham-Hicks and I spent a good hour listening to several YouTube videos after reading about learning from joy.
I’ve been told how hard life is and how people are out to hurt me or harm me. I know, as a child, I did not believe this to be true which is why people had to spend so much time telling me this was true. I don’t know any children who think the world is a hurtful and harming place; usually kids before the age of 5 or 6 years of age. But the prevalence of the message about a hurtful and harmful world is widespread. We obviously have to be taught this message, so what if the message is false. What if we had it right when we were young and the world is a very safe and wonderful place? I’m not ignoring that terrible things happen to people. Usually the people who do terrible things have had terrible things done to them so I believe they hurt others for a short lived diversion from their pain. I think hurt people hurt others because, for a small moment in time, they want the other person to understand how much they hurt.
After reading about learning from joy, I did not immediately jump on the bandwagon. I wanted to but the training was firmly in place so pain remained the choice I made by default. The choice was made in my thinking rather than as physical choice. In order to learn from joy I had to change how I thought, how I viewed the world. I had to return to the thinking of my childhood and find the wonder in everything around me. After years of training to look for the bad, or potential bad, it takes effort to change the way my mind sees the world and to look for what is right instead of what is wrong. I go the grocery store, they don’t have the juice I drink. My default setting is, “Aw, man, that sucks.” Instead, I have begun trying other options, seeing what else out there is as wonderful as the juice I normally buy. It’s hard to not feel the disappointment but disappointment is not pain. I am willing to see the opportunities that await me when my default choice is unavailable.
When looking at my disappointments, I have begun noticing how often I have a set way of doing things. I don’t even think about many of the things I do every day because they have become habits. They no longer cause me joy because they are habits and I no longer notice them. Since embracing the opportunities available, when my habit is unavailable, I have begun to notice more joy in my life. My brain is more engaged in what I’m doing; I feel more awake, a little more alive. I’ve read that one way to avoid Alzheimer’s is to engage your brain in new activities so it is constantly creating new connections. What easier way to do this than to change my habits on a daily basis? Changing my habits keeps me from walking through my life without thinking; I can see where not using my brain could cause it to quit working for me.
Joy doesn’t have to be a big event. It can be little things that happen throughout the day. When we were children, everything was a big event because we were so busy learning. Let’s choose to live our lives with the outlook everything is amazing! Let’s choose joy over pain. Pain will come but we don’t have to let it stop our lives and become an event, we can choose to learn and look for our next joyous adventure.

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Personal Priorites

Posted on November 1, 2015 by tsandhage


I’m still at Dauphin Island but I have moved to a different RV park. The Dauphin Island campround, on the East end, is a beautiful campground. I moved because there were things beyond their control which required me to move. I don’t do well in heat and I came down too early so that’s a challenge no matter where I am on the island. However, some areas, where there are hardly any trees, have a strong breeze every day. When there is a strong breeze it counteracts the heat of the day and eliminates mosquitos. The East end campground is a lovely wooded area. It gets a breeze on days where it is truly windy but, if the wind is not blowing hard, there is no breeze in the campground and the mosquitos take full advantage of the stillness all day long. I’m use to mosquitos at night or early morning but when I cannot go the public bathroom, take a shower, or sit outside at any time of day, I am unhappy. The new location, which is just past the trees on the island, has a breeze every day, all day so no mosquitos and days which feel less hot to me. The spaces are a little tighter; this use to be a parking lot for a restaurant. And, even though I like space & trees, I like being able to go outside even more. 🙂

Every day I’ve been driving to the Public beach because there are Pavilions in which I can sit and feel a strong breeze while I read, write, or just enjoy the sounds and sights of the scenery. The Public beach is directly across from my new RV location. Now, I can walk across the road and I’m in my favorite place!
I moved in yesterday afternoon. It was raining off/on but it held off during my moving. The Universe can be so lovely about these things. 🙂 Today, it is supposed to rain the majority of the day and it is raining now. The breeze here is strong enough I actually felt the RV move a little bit sometimes last night. I feel safe though. I do need to put some blocks under my stabilizing jacks because they are buried in water today. The ruts, from RVs pulling in/out, holds water and that’s where my jacks have landed. I will take care of that tomorrow when it is not raining. I will also need to rinse my jacks off because I’m told the water around here will eat and rust metal really quickly. I’ve seen evidence in looking at people’s vehicles.
The people here are really helpful and nice! The campers (a total of 12 RVs at any time) are equally friendly. I do like the smaller setup. The wifi can reach to my RV though a booster will make it less variable. There is a covered porch, with comfortable chairs, where I can sit next to the wifi and work or play on the Internet and sometime next month the owners will clear out the office area and allow us campers to go in there whenever we like to play games, build puzzles, use the Internet, or chat. I’m amazed they are going to give us keys to the building. That’s extremely nice of them.
While I need to make a grocery run, I will wait until tomorrow so I know the stores will be open and it won’t be raining. Today, is a good day to read, write on this blog, and relax. Living in the RV has made me think a lot about a dream life and what I want for a dream life. I haven’t pinned it down yet. What does your dream life look like? Are you living your dream life? What do you really need in order to acquire your dream life?

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Releasing Resistance

Posted on October 31, 2015 by tsandhage


After I wrote my last post, I was thinking more about energy sensitivity and the need to protect oneself. It occured to me that maybe I was going about things backwards. Pat Parelli, a horse trainer, says, “If you want results no one else is getting, you must do things no one else is doing.” I don’t know if that’s exactly the way he says it but it’s close. Anyway, the point for me is, everyone says protect yourself from the energies of others. And, I’ve tried that and it feels like my sphere of comfort is getting smaller and smaller. Pretty soon I will be so busy protecting and clearing myself I won’t have much time for anything else. Also, it occured to me, when I release my fears which cause me to get triggered by others, I no longer react to those buttons being pushed and, normally, I have no idea someone has attempted to push a button. If I do notice, it’s because they have an odd look on their face and I realize my response was not the one they were expecting. So, I know they said or did something and I missed it completely. If I spend time figuring it out, it often takes 3 days before I realize what I was supposed to do and why. I’ve since quit caring. Regardless, it occured to me my lack of reaction happens because there is no longer anything in me to which those remarks can attach, therefore, they move right through me. I wondered, if I were to apply the same idea to the concept of energy sensitivity, could I get to the point where other people’s energy no longer affected me?
Soon after, I was re-reading “A Course In Miracles (ACIM)” which was talking about releasing resistance. Well, I think protecting myself and clearing myself of everyone else’s energy is definitely a form of resistance. So, I decided I would be completely open to whatever anyone wanted to throw at me. I still don’t seek out places where people are hateful. However, I do not retreat or become defensive when I encounter hatefulness. What I have noticed is an increase in energy, almost no acquisition of other’s energy, and a willingness to return to being around people and interacting with them. I have also noticed my Ego feeling a need to bring up all sorts of things which it feels are fearful. I’m use to that because that is always my Ego’s reaction when I move deeper into the releasing of fear areas of my life.
I have been saying “Yes” to situations I would normally have said I didn’t want to endure. Yes, I thought of them as something to endure. Can we say resistance? I have released the need to think I will be unhappy or not enjoy myself. I have decided to look for the lesson, if there is one, and to look for the benefits of whatever arises instead of noticing what I don’t like. Interestingly, since thinking this way, I really haven’t had a lot of things come up that I don’t like. So, maybe there’s something to letting go of resistance.

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