On The Road

Posted on October 16, 2015 by tsandhage


I left my home base September 8th. My first stop was a tiny little city owned campground. It was very nice and only for one night. It was a busy place because the locals played ball and walked the walking paths. The next night was a stop at a KOA. Very crowded and noisy with an Interstate behind and a highway in front of the campground. Wonderful facilities though. I did do some grocery shopping while I was there. Next stop was a really nice campsite right on the Tennessee River where I stayed for the weekend. It was a gorgeous stay! On Monday, I left there and moved onto another city campground which was nice but I was attacked by fire ants and there were no extra facilities (restrooms and showers) for campers. I left there and arrived in Sherling Lake Park and Campground where I planned to stay for 2 nights.
By the evening of my first day at Sherling Lake, I was sick. So, I extended my stay to a week. Normally, I would be feeling much better after a week but I had to extend my stay to 2 weeks. This did not upset me at all as I’d fallen in love with Sherling when I arrived. The longer I stayed, the more I liked it. I even considered not coming on down to Dauphin (pronounced Daw-feen) Island. Eventually, decided to come on down but I didn’t want to make the entire drive in one day so I stayed for a couple of nights in Creola.

When I arrived in Dauphin Island, there was a strong breeze off the Gulf and Bay so the 80+ degree temperature did not bother me. I took a walk to the beach and noticed several oil rigs (12 – 15 of them) just off the coastline. The community is rebuilding the beach which is non existant right now; it should be done in the next couple of months. There’s a bike path which extends the length of the island (a little less than 8 miles) which is level and wonderful! After 4 days, the breeze died and the mosquitos came out. There are a lot of mosquitos here and they are here all day long. The lack of breeze also makes the temperature more noticable. Since I don’t tolerate heat well and I do not enjoy being a mosquito feeder, I am ready to leave. I will probably stay until the end of the month when I will be heading back to Sherling to spend the rest of the Winter.
I’m learning what I do and don’t like. I would have enjoyed staying at Dauphin if the breeze would have continued to keep the mosquitos at bay. But I’m also happy to be heading back to Sherling because I simply loved the woods and the spaciousness. Dauphin is a normal RV park and, while they do their best to give everyone room to be outside without the back side of an RV in their face, it is too close for my preferences. Since I have a couple weeks left on my stay here and I cannot be outside because of the heat and lack of breeze, I am spending time catching up on computer work and I plan to spend some time at the beach on the West end. The West end of the island is about 1/8th mile wide and gets breezes from the Gulf and the Bay so no mosquitos and it feels less hot. If I can find ways to be outside without getting overheated, I will stay here until the end of the month. If not, I will go back to Sherling.
One thing I’ve really noticed during this trip is how my blood pressure is affected. While in Sherling, I was not taking my blood pressure medication every day because my pressure was really low. When I moved to Dauphin, I suddenly had to take the medication every day and, sometimes, twice per day. I began to notice the twice per day dosages were on days when someone was parked beside me. The more people, the more trouble I have keeping my blood pressure down. If, when I move back to Sherling, my blood pressure drops again, that will strongly imply my blood pressure is connected to what is going on within other people’s bodies.
I know this is very possible for me because, when I did hands-on work with people, I use to tune into my body to see what I was feeling because my body would mirror what was happening within the person on whom I was working; I could feel what they were feeling. I am trying to break this connection but, at this time, I am failing. The blood pressure issue may also determine whether I stay in Dauphin until the end of the month or return to Sherling early.

So far I am finding I love the woods! I also love the water when it a wide expanse of uninterrupted space. In order for me to love the woods, it needs to be in a location which is not kept sprayed with herbicides and pesticides. The care of the area needs to be natural. I also love seclusion. I admit it is really challenging to find seclusion in an RV park. Which is why I am figuring out how to make my RV more boondocking friendly. My lights are already set up to work off of my batteries. I have also doubled my batteries and bought a portable solar panel to charge them. The outlets will not work off my batteries and, while I do have a DC outlet, the DC outlet is located in my bedroom which makes it inconvenient when cooking. I plan to install an inverter which will change the battery DC power to AC power so I can use my outlets throughout the RV. I also want to install a composting toilet to replace my current normal toilet. Doing all this work means I will probably spend all of next Summer close to my home base so I have access to a mailing address for orders, tools for doing the changes, and help from my husband and other people with expertise in this area. Once these changes are in place, I will be able to boondock for at least 2 weeks without needing access to water to fill my holding tank. The more conservative I can be with water, the longer I can stay out in the boonies.
I’m very much enjoying my time in Nature. I’m excited to learn what I do and don’t like when camping. And, I’m excited at the prospect of learning a new skill to keep my blood pressure down. As an aside, I’ve lost at least 15 pounds. I don’t have a scale but I have to wear a belt and I’ve had to punch more holes in the belt to keep it and my pants up. The differences in my eating are:  I’m cooking at home, eating more, having dessert 1 – 3 times per day. I am not exercising though I am more active; not enough to lose weight though. I believe the lack of stress and the ability to sleep, sit in the sun, and doing what I want to do when I want to do it is making the difference. I’m also writing a book; I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned that before or not.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Getting There

Posted on August 31, 2015 by tsandhage


A week from today, I leave on my travels. I believe I am almost ready to leave. I think I have all the items I need to travel. There are a couple more things I’d like but nothing I need so I can get them after I’ve made it to another loaction. I was waiting for my topper, for my truck bed, to arrive. It has arrived and is installed. It is beautiful! And, it is now my Garage. I’ve decided it shall be named The Garage because it will hold all the stuff I will be taking with me. Yes, even though I have minimized a lot, there is still stuff. This is stuff I will be using and it is too heavy to put in the RV. Not to mention there is no place for it to be stored in the RV.

I managed to bend my electric hitch jack. I was too tired to be driving and I spaced my usual walk around to make sure everything was as it should be. Truthfully, I was so tired, I’m not sure I would have seen it in my usual walk around.
I had taken my RV to have some repairs done before I leave. The repair shop was 2 hours away. I made it there fine, waited around all day for the work to be done, picked it up, and drove back to Ceraland. Because I waited around all day, in the heat, I was exhausted. I slept some while waiting in the truck but not enough. I should have gotten a room and waited until the next day to pull back to Ceraland but I was focused on a specific outcome. When I got to Ceraland, I stopped in the parking lot to take off the weight distribution and sway bars. To do that, I have to lower the jack so it lifts up on the hitch on the back of the truck. When pulling the horse trailers, I never dealt with weight distribution or sway bars. I got the bars off and put them away. I then got in the truck and pulled forward. I heard the pull on the jack and I knew what I’d done. I didn’t even curse; I was that tired. I got out, looked at it, thought I’d try to bend it back by backing up, backed up, that didn’t work (I hadn’t expected it to work), got out to assess what needed to be done, and was joined by a couple guys who wanted to help. They commiserated with me and both said they’d done the same thing multiple times. We all laughed the laugh of those who laugh about the stupid things they’ve done. We all agreed on what had to be done next. They didn’t have the tools and neither did I so I called Jeff to come, bring the tools, and rescue me. We cut the jack off below the frame, pulled the RV to my parking site, and got it set up and off of my truck hitch.
It was well after dark so I called it a night and sent Jeff home. The next day, I removed the hitch so we could fix it or install a new one. Jeff decided to pick up a new one and we installed it over the next couple of days. We are going to weld a post onto the old jack and use it in case I do this again in the future. The lesson I learned is to not travel while I’m tired. It is stupid and not worth the extra effort it involves.
I have spent a lot of this month with busy work. The last minute details have been more than I expected. I will be very glad to be on the road so I have some time to rest and start enjoying myself more. I think Jeff will be a little glad to see me go, too, so he can rest as well.

Posted in Personal Journey | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Getting There

I'm Bored

Posted on August 14, 2015 by tsandhage


I’m Bored. I hear people say this all the time. Before I begin, I want to admit I have never been bored a day in my life. Even when I was sleeping 20 – 24 hours per day, I was not bored. So, I can’t say I understand this phenomenon. I do have some thoughts about it, though.
I remember a fellow teacher asking me why I took the summers off from teaching college. She wondered what I did all day. After all, “There is only so much shopping you can do.” Those were her words. I couldn’t stop laughing for quite a while. I’m sorry I laughed so hard but her words struck me. First, I hate to shop! Which is why her words struck me as so funny. I couldn’t even imagine myself shopping and I knew, no matter what I said to her, she was not going to understand what I did all summer nor why I took the summer off. I gave her a small list of things I did during the summer and invited her to follow me around so she could see for herself; just spend a day with me. I think, after I told her a few of the items I did during my days, she didn’t want any part of my summers.
What does this have to do with being bored? I think technology entertains us to the point where people don’t know what to do with themselves if they don’t have some outside source entertaining them. And, even if they have an outside source, it has to be constantly changing to engage their attention. People don’t seem to know how to be with themselves.

I love a day where I don’t have to “do” anything. It means I get to “do” whatever I want. I love watching nature. It’s a never ending channel and can provide hours of entertainment, especially if there are animals involved. I like looking at flowers and watching the butterflies, moths, and other insects interact with the flowers. I love going for a walk in the woods, especially in the spring when there are little frogs out. I love seeing the different stages of the frogs from eggs, to tadpoles, to when they start getting legs, and finally are able to be frogs. I like learning about the different trees and seeing how a genus has so many different kind of trees but they all have something in common to help you recognize them; like leaf shape or bark type. Even a day spent in the hammock is a glorious day! I can sleep, watch the clouds roll by, watch the leaves dance above me, read, whatever I want to do.
I’m lucky I grew up with animals, responsibilities, lots of time without a TV, and no newspaper. I think I learned there is a whole world outside myself. That world affects everything in my life. I’m able to feel the air, listen to the breeze, smell the air, watch the clouds, and see how the trees and animals act and know things about the weather. I’m a lot more accurate than the weather channel but I also don’t try to predict it a week in advance. I’ve learned to work with nature and how things want to work naturally. I’ve learned there is beauty in mistakes.
Not everyone who grew up the way I did feels the same way I do. Nor do they necessarily have the ability to entertain themselves. So, I’m not saying everyone has to live on a farm or grow up in nature. I am saying a mind which can remain curious at all times is unlikely to get bored. So, next time you or someone around you is bored, consider tapping into the curiosity which is a normal part of being human. See what is around you, what do you have to learn?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I'm Bored

Minimalism/Decluttering

Posted on August 1, 2015 by tsandhage


I’ve been living in my RV for 3 full weeks. I have 99% of the items I will bring with me in the RV already. I ordered a topper for my truck so I have a place to store heavy, non-house type items like my bike, air compressor, tools, grill, outdoor chairs and tables, and other items. I’ve learned how to put water in my fresh water tank while also filtering and softening the water. I have dumped both my gray and black water tanks using both the direct method of dumping at the dump station and the indirect method of using an item called a blue boy to transport dumped stuff to the dump station. I’ve figured out my refrigerator and water pump want to be as close to level as possible or they will make a lot of noise. I’ve learned I can tear down, move, and set back up with minimal effort and no hassle. I was surprised by how easy I found it to tear down and set back up. I’m glad I found it easy as it will make me more willing to move on down the road when I want to get someplace. I won’t feel a need to put off moving. J
I’m learning taking care of myself has to be as high a priority as getting moved in. The heat and humidity are a little intense right now. Surprisingly, I’m handling it better than I’ve handled it in the last 15 years. Last year, I would not have been able to be outside without feeling like I was taking a shower. Water runs off me so quickly and so completely, I look like I’ve been caught in a downpour. This summer, I’ve been out in the heat and humidity and I’m either not sweating or sweating like a normal person. I’m shocked but pleased. This is an indicator I’m doing a good job listening to my needs. I’ve noticed my hair has taken a stronger turn towards going back to my childhood hair color. It was completely white for years and began getting color back about 3 years ago. Today, my hair is 40 – 50% back to my childhood hair color. I admit I still tend to neglect my health when I feel stressed with a lot to do, like getting ready to leave in my RV. I’m learning though because, when my body says stop, I do. That’s a huge piece of progress for me.

I couldn’t go where I’d hoped to go this winter. But, as with all things, a setback turned into a blessing. I found a little island which will be perfect for me this winter. I love islands! When I found this place, and looked at it on Google Earth, I got very hopeful. When I called and found out I could stay for 6 months, I found myself giddy and almost in tears with excitement! This will be very good for me and I’m really looking forward to the winter. I really hope the island has the feel of islands I’ve been on in the past which is really laid back, sunshine, sand, fresh salt air, and a relaxed mindset among everyone. I want to cultivate all those things within myself and take them with me wherever I go in life. I’m smiling just thinking about this winter.
I have been minimizing my stuff so I will have plenty of room in the RV and not be taking a bunch of clutter. I’ve been so successful I have empty drawers throughout the RV! I’ve also removed the one item from my life which has gotten me up and kept me alive for the majority of my life:  my horse or animals in general. I knew having no animals, to force responsibilities upon myself, was going to bring up emotional stuff for me. I recognize I use animals/clutter to keep me distracted from certain emotions. I also recognize the reason there are still items on my countertops, in the RV, is because I’m having an emotional experience about putting things completely away and being completely organized and minimal. I’ve even found myself wanting to hang stuff on the walls to “organize” when it is in drawers and already organized. I get it that hanging stuff on the walls brings it out into the open so I see it and it represents clutter in a weird, warped kind of way.
So, one of the reasons for going minimal is to bring all those emotions to the surface, face them, work through them, and move beyond them. I can see this will be a challenge because I am capable of rationalizing many ways to bring the clutter back into my life. So, first step is to finish removing the items which are on the counters and put them where they belong. I also need to remove items from the Dining Room table. Lastly, will be getting comfortable without the clutter. I keep saying to myself, “I can do it. I can do it.” Finding all these emotional corners within myself will probably keep me busy the majority of this winter which is why I didn’t want to be moving around. I wanted to be in one place, with no responsibilities, and really face myself. I want to work through residual habits I’m keeping and release any which do not serve me.
I’ve been in a lot of pain last night and today. I really don’t know why as I’ve been resting. The only thing I can figure is the heat and humidity are getting to me. I’ve been staying, mostly, in the RV and enjoying the AC. Maybe the pain is coming from the emotional aspect. I don’t know but I do know it is important to figure it out. When I’m in this kind of pain, it starts a vicious cycle. The pain keeps me from sleeping and lack of sleep causes more pain. I had some things I wanted to accomplish today but I will probably wait until tomorrow or the weekend.
Yesterday, I took off my shoes and walked in the grass. It felt great and it has been a while since I’ve walked barefoot in the grass. An interesting thing happened. I am 5’ 7” tall and I feel tall. When I took off my shoes and started walking, I suddenly felt only about 5’ tall. I started laughing because I think that defines feeling grounded. I’ve never had that kind of experience before so I know I need to spend more time with the soles of my feet touching the ground.

There are a lot of emotions coming up around letting go of the extra stuff, not having a horse to force me to get up every day, leaving the kitties and their needs behind, and driving away from Jeff and the house. I am leaving everything which I’ve ever used to distract me and embracing the minimal lifestyle. So, that leaves me with me, my habits, my thought processes, and figuring out who I am, how I want to live, and who I want to be in this world. That’s big! I am completely redefining my life. I’m jumping off the deep end which is so deep I don’t even know if there is anything there to catch me. I know I will die; the person I was/am will die. The parts of me that are important will remain but all the rules, expectations, habits, and history will fade away into nothingness. My story will begin with now. I will no longer have a past which defines me. How scary is that? I will have to allow myself to grieve the old so the new has a fresh place to inhabit.
Walking with my shoes off has inspired me to sign up for Periscope. I don’t really know anything about it but it looks like a medium which is perfect for me. If anyone would like to follow me there, my handle is @tsandhage. I look forward to seeing you online. I haven’t posted any videos yet but I will.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Minimalism/Decluttering

My New RV

Posted on July 13, 2015 by tsandhage


My RV came in the end of May but, as you know, I was going to my sister’s place to animal sit during June so the RV dealership agreed to keep my RV until I returned home. That was very nice of them. Actually, Edmundson’s, the RV dealership in Columbus, Indiana, has been extremely kind, patient, and helpful during my entire journey. I really can’t say enough nice things about them and, especially, Josie, the salesperson who helped me during my decision making process. She deserves a medal in patience! I’m trying to learn from her example; she sets a very high bar.
The month of June was supposed to be spent living in my parents Coach so I could spend time to myself in AC and learn about living in an RV. That didn’t happen. Claudia and my Dad left on a Wednesday for Michigan and the AC, which hadn’t really been putting out cold air, stopped working on Thursday afternoon. Later I found out the breaker had simply flipped but I felt I’d broken their Coach after only a few days in it. I went in to my parent’s house, where my Mom was staying, because it was really hot that day and their house has a constant breeze even though they don’t have AC. I really didn’t want to stay there because both my Mom and I were looking forward to some alone time so I spent the night and moved back to the Coach on Friday morning. The next thing to happen was the Water Heater quit working. Again, it was the breaker flipping but I was a bit frantic because I’d lived in their RV less than 2 days and 2 items quit working. I felt I was going to have to give them my RV in order to make up for breaking theirs. The part that quit working was the electric but the propane part was still working. Whew! By Friday afternoon I was sweating with the humidity and heat but I was surviving. Then a storm blew up and I had to shut all the windows. That meant too much heat for me so I packed it in again and left for Mom’s. This time, between the AC and the water heater, I decided I had to stay with Mom; I don’t think either of us were excited.
The next morning, Mom and I talked and we decided we would not take care of each other, we would allow each other space, and we would communicate as best we could when we were feeling challenged. Mom had asked me, the day before, if there was anything she could do for me. With the heat in the Coach, I was not doing very well so I told her if she would take care of Claudia’s animals for 3 days, I would sleep and get myself back on my feet. Then we could split the shifts:  I’d take mornings when the weather was cooler and she’d take evenings when the weather was warmer. Those are temperatures each of us prefers so it would work well. I think, overall, the plan worked well and went smoothly. We had our ins/outs but I have to say this was the best visit I’ve ever experienced with my Mom. I am very grateful I got to spend the time with her. I learned a lot about myself and a bit of information about her as well.
Claudia was able to complete the ride in Michigan! Yea! Claudia and Dad came home on June 26th. They got in really late so we didn’t see them until the 27th. Mom and I drove out to visit but they were busy unloading the horse trailer. They did take some breaks and shared stories. I went out to pick up some food for a late lunch and, when I got back, we all sat in the Coach and Claudia and Dad told more stories. Mom and Dad went home and Claudia and I visited for a bit. I got to hear even more stories. I left so Claudia could rest and I wanted to drive home that evening. So, I went by Mom and Dad’s, picked up my vehicle, and left for home. It was good to get home!
I spent the next week preparing to pick up my RV and move it to Ceraland, an RV campground near my house. I picked up the RV on Monday, July 6th. It took from 11AM to 3PM to get the trailer hitched and ready to go. It was just little things like the saddle for the weight distributions bars wouldn’t allow the pin to go through the holes so I could latch it. The bar we had to work as a lever on the saddles was too small in diameter; it wouldn’t fit over the levering area. We didn’t have long enough bolts for the plate for the sway bar. Then the snaps to attach the trailer chains to my hitch were not big enough to go over the metal piece where they attach. So, Jeff and I drove into town to find larger snaps, buy a larger pipe for levering the saddles, and bought longer bolts so we could properly attach the plate for the sway bar. By the time we got back to Edmundson’s they had fixed the saddle problem and Jeff and I attached the snaps and put the bolts on the sway bar plate so we were off and running. It’s easy to hitch up once we have all the pieces we need. J

When we got to Ceraland, I unhooked and went to run the electrical cord so I could run my AC. The cord wasn’t long enough. By the time I knew I needed another cord, it was 4:55PM and all the RV dealerships close at 5PM so I didn’t get to spend Monday night in my RV. The next day, I got the longer cord, got hooked up, and have spent every night since in the RV. When I was trying to put water in my holding tanks, I could not figure out how to do it. It seemed obvious but it wasn’t working correctly. I was getting water out of the faucet but I knew the tank wasn’t filling. Thankfully, Jeff had made a DVD of the walk-thru of the RV so I watched it and realized I was hooked to the city water outlet and, on the DVD, I learned where the tank input is located. I got the tank filled and the water working though the water pressure is dismal. I hope there is somewhere to change that but I haven’t had time to look into it. Next was the water heater. I tried to get it to work but no hot water. So, I found my booklet on the water heater and I was doing everything correctly. After thinking a bit, I wondered if the propane was on. It wasn’t. Once I turned it on, it worked wonderfully. Now, I want to run the water heater off the electrical which is even easier than running it off the propane.

It took me all week to get the dishes, silverware, and other utensils washed, the cupboards lined with a non-slip surface (I’m hoping to reduce movement of items), food in the refrigerator, and be able to cook my meals. The kitchen is looking fabulous! The rest of the RV is still a shambles. I have one side of the bed cleared so I can sleep on it. The bathroom looks great but there’s no room to have stuff lying about in there. I’m feeling good about my adventure so far. I like my location, I hope this next week is less busy so I can get some more stuff done, I have a lot to go through in my house and my RV since I’m going minimal, and I’m hoping to return extra items and get all the stuff from the house moved into my RV and put away. We’ll see how successful I am.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on My New RV

The Emptiness Inside

Posted on June 2, 2015 by tsandhage


This post has been very challenging to write. What I want to write about is easy but putting it into words is difficult. I have revised this post multiple times because I am having trouble figuring out what has been going on with me. I still don’t have the words but I will do the best I can.
As I’ve written, I’ve had some challenges these past years. I feel like I’m coming out the other end and part of the progress is learning to take care of myself; put my needs first. There was a very short time in my life when I learned this lesson and it became a habit. Things change, as they do, and I began putting myself farther down the list. I did this without even realizing I was doing it. It was only this year I realized I had neglected myself to the point of non-existence in my own mind.
There are very few things I need. I need Nature. Not just the local park where humans make it look  like some people’s idea of perfect, spread fertilizers, pesticides, and herbicides. I need pure, unadultered Nature with its weeds, undergrowth, old growth trees, and woodsy smelling air. Nature is where I become rejuvenated. I never realized it was missing because, all the time I was growing up, I lived in it. It took years of living without Nature for me to even begin to have symptoms of losing internal energy. And, since so many years had passed between living in Nature and not living in Nature, I did not make the connection between my energy and my environment.
Since making the connection, I’ve been able to spend some time in Nature but I have found myself unable to make myself enough of a priority to spend enough time in Nature. Since making this connection, I’ve realized my metaphorical river within has run dry. Going out in Nature puts some water in my dry riverbed but it does not fill it. I need a monsoon to get the river flowing again.
As things are, I find myself getting easily angry with anyone who asks anything of me when I have nothing left to give. People around me have no idea I have nothing left to give them. When I talk of being tired or feeling crappy, people routinely tell me how good I look. As someone who has been diagnosed with two autoimmune dis-eases, I am very use to hearing, “But you look good!” I have begun to wonder if many autoimmune dis-eases are really just people who have a hard time putting themselves first. There are a number of people who ask me, “What are you going to do?”when I tell them I’m taking off in an RV. It seems like there are a majority of people who have no concept of the idea of self-care or truly living in each moment, without a plan, as doing something. People need to understand that even when we are doing nothing we are doing something.
The RV I’ve ordered is my transportation to Nature and will allow me to, once again, live in Nature so I can replenish my river. It will also take me away from my environment so the habits I’ve formed, where I cater to others before myself, can come to an end. I will no longer be around the people who are accustomend to me giving so I will feel less need to succumb to the pressure to please.
I don’t know how long I will need to be in Nature before the monsoon can fill my river within. I know this journey, in the RV, has other lessons for me as well. I have no clue as to what those lessons are but I am looking forward to all the experiences awaiting me. As always, I will share what I learn here.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m going off to sit on a mountain to see what spiritual insights will develop. In some ways, this is probably an accurate description. I often wonder what I will find. Some of the things I think I will find are calm, joy, health, strength, clear-headedness, and even more love for others. These are the things I found when I was taking care of myself many years ago. I hope I find them again.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on The Emptiness Inside

Adventure

Posted on May 26, 2015 by tsandhage


I’ve ordered my RV. It is to arrive in June. I don’t know when it will arrive but I do know I won’t be here to receive it. I’ve made arrangements for it to be held until I return home. In June I will be spending my time at my sister’s place taking care of her animals. I will also take my horse to her place and make sure she is acquainted with her new abode.
Claudia, my sister, will be doing a 250 mile organized ride from a lake on the edge of one side of Michigan to the lake on the other side of Michigan. My 82 year old Dad is going with her. He will be riding also. I’m always amazed by how active my Dad is and I hope I able to follow in his footsteps. They are supposed to be gone for the entire month.
I will take this opportunity to live in my parent’s motorhome and learn a little bit about RV life. I will spend the time starting my adventures so I will be prepared for moving into my RV when it comes in. I will learn about emptying/filling tanks, watching propane levels, cooking in a small kitchen, and living on my own.
Everyone asks where I’m going. I have no answer. I plan to stay where the temperature is cooler. I like a temperature range of 50 – 75 degrees. When I first get my RV, I will stay local for a month to make sure there aren’t any immediate problems with the RV and to acquire the items I need for my travels. I figure it will be easier to get what I need while close to home and in a town I know. I do hope to travel North for August because that’s usually a pretty warm month around here. I will travel back through the area in the Fall before I head South. I don’t plan to move around a lot this year because I want to really relax, sit with myself, and find my joy. I’ve begun working on finding my joy already but, once I’m travelling and I’m without the daily distractions of responsibilities of my current life, I hope to extend that joy into my life full-time and expand on it by improving my health even more.
Jeff thinks he might want to join me on the road next Fall. So, I will come back through here so we can sit down and talk about what he wants for his life. Regardless of his decision, I will leave again and I probably won’t be back to this area for a few years. I have too much to explore and see. I have adventures in mind, stories to live and tell, and blissful moments to experience. I will no longer have time to keep coming back to my current life. I’m ready to step into my full potential and see if I have any limits. I suspect I do not and I’m looking forward to finding out if I am correct.
Update:  My RV is supposed to come in today and I am supposed to be given the keys this Friday. I will have to keep it in storage until July because I have nowhere to park it and I will be at my sister’s this next month. Expect to hear more in July.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Anger as a Friend

Posted on May 8, 2015 by tsandhage


I attended a mindfulness session last weekend. During the session we did an exercise where we were supposed to draw a circle, place things we liked about ourselves within the circle, things we didn’t like about ourselves outside the circle, and things we were beginning to like about ourselves on the lines of the circle. A couple days later I had an epiphany! I realized all the things I don’t like about myself are, as with most people, things I consider negative. However, I realized every time I’m angry, frustrated, irritated, etc., that is really just a clue that I feel triggered. Now, we all realize this but I thought about it further and realized when I’m triggered, I feel like I’m being told I’m wrong or there is something wrong with me/how I do things/how I think/how I act. I figure this is probably true for  a lot of other people too.
What if, instead of getting upset about getting angry, we thought about whether we feel like we are being asked to be someone we don’t want to become. After all, when we are born, we are such perfect beings and I feel like we have incredible insight. Yet, usually, society and our families tell us we need to change, act differently, think more like them, conform, fit ourselves into the boxes which have been designed for us. I think it is probably pretty healthy to be upset, angry, frustrated, and irritable about being put into a box that isn’t ours.
Even before the mindfulness session, I had decided I shall live a life of laughter, love, and joy. Since the realization of how anger is a sign I’m feeling ignored or dismissed, in some way, I’ve found a lightness I hadn’t even realized I was missing. I feel child-like in the way I see the world around me. I am looking at all my belief systems and I am willing to change all my perceptions. I’m actually having quite a bit of fun looking at my perceptions of the world, which expectations I have been fulfilling, and which things I wish to continue doing in life and which I wish to change. I’m taking a playful attitude with all these changes and enjoying the process.
What would life look like if you looked at your life and chose to make it everything you ever wanted, letting go of everyone else’s expectations? Notice the next time you feel any of the feelings you consider negative, do you feel pressured to conform in some way? Do you feel like you are being judged? Maybe the negative emotion is an indicator you, too,are being asked to bottle, give up, or change some aspect of yourself.

Posted in Personal Journey | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Stepping Into Fear

Posted on March 24, 2015 by tsandhage


Fear, and all it’s little buddies like anger, frustration, irritation, etc, is an invasive and pervasive challenge. The Ego mind has a way of seeming to be helpful while subtly planting more elements of fear within us. For the past week, my Ego mind has been extremely persistent in its desire to bring fear into my consciousness. None of my past go-to strategies are working. I wake up angry, I dream angry (when I remember my dreams), and I am angry throughout the day even though I try hard to be positive.
I’ve decided to stop fighting the anger. It’s part of me. It’s part of all of us. Fighting the anger is just making me irritated when I lose the fight. So, I’ve decided it is time to move on to acceptance. I will continue to make plans for the future I desire. I will continue to meditate, spend time in Nature, write, move in gentle ways which nourish my body, and I will stop focusing on removing the anger. The anger can be present for everything but I will continue as if there is no anger. Hopefully, the anger will work itself out.
Fighting anything just produces more of what I do not want. When I was in pain 24/7, the only way I could escape it was through deep, focused breathing which helped me fall asleep. Eventually, after many years, I started accepting how I felt. While it felt like giving up, it ended up being what has given me more success than anything else. I’ve come so far I am getting ready to buy a RV and go on the road full-time. That’s progress! Sure it took 12 years to get to this point, the time would pass anyway, and my health is moving the direction I want it to go. My life is good and I’m happy. Well, except for all the anger. 🙂
I do have fears around being out on the road by myself. I’m not sure why. I’ve done trips by myself and I always have a blast! This will be better because I won’t have a destination. On trips, I don’t enjoy the process of getting from one place to another because of how much driving is involved and I’ve never taken the time to enjoy the process. Now, I plan to drive a lot less between stops. I want to enjoy the process. I know there will be a steep learning curve. I know nothing about RVs. Filling and emptying the tanks is really the only job which causes me any concern, though. Is that weird? I’ve pulled trailers so I’m not concerned about that part and I have a heavy duty truck so I know the weight of the trailer won’t be a concern for me. I know RVs live pretty much like a house except I have to be really aware of electrical, water, and sewer restrictions. I plan to stay hooked up to electrical, there will be water, and dump stations available so I know there won’t be any problems. It will simply take time for me to learn how long my water lasts, where I use it, and how often I need to dump. I want to get a solar panel so I can learn how much electricity I use because, eventually, I want to be able to boondock. For those of you who don’t know what boondocking is, it’s living completely off the grid and relying on your own power, water, and sewage abilities. Boondocking is the only way to live away from everything. It will allow me to live secluded so I can do silent retreats and really immerse myself in Nature, a very peaceful environment.
I’m off track. I find myself smiling and excited when I think about being away from all the distractions of life. It will help me rejuvenate and be able to come back to society with something to offer. Maybe the anger is simply my body and mind telling me I’ve stretched myself beyond my limits and seclusion is the answer. Since I’m normally a pretty happy person, the anger confuses me. I hope I am able to leave the anger behind once I’m on the road.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Stepping Into Fear

Releasing Attachment

Posted on February 22, 2015 by tsandhage


I got a huge push from the Universe to let go of my attachments. My attachments are mainly to animals and people rather than things. However, I have things I really like too. There was nothing special that happened that made me realize this push was happening, I just felt it. Before I’ve always rejected the push and pushed back. This time, I realized it was time and also a large part of my healthful recovery; there are many aspects to a healthy recovery. I told Jeff I was going to release attachments so he would be prepared for whatever began to happen. There is no preparing for releasing attachments though. It is simply not holding on when the animals and people, whom I hold dear, begin to leave.
First, was Jeff’s Mom. We were both grateful for her departure. Not because we didn’t like her but because she had recently had a mini-stroke which had landed her in a nursing home and she hated it! She was destined to live there and she begged, yelled, said it was our responsibility to get her out of there. She required care none of us could give her so there was no way Jeff and I could bring her home with us. I understood her dislike of the nursing home. I disliked seeing her there as much as she disliked being there. She declined rapidly and died so, in our opinions, it was a blessing.
Next, one of our cats, who was 15 years old, needed to be put down. He was in a lot of pain and there was nothing I could do to help him so I finally made the decision. I miss him and I love him and I hated making that decision.
Next, another one of our cats, who was 10 years old, suddenly wasn’t feeling well on Thanksgiving. He seemed better the next day but we took him to the vet to see what was happening. The vet informed us he was dying of kidney failure and probably wouldn’t live another 24 hours. So, we decided to take him out of his pain. That was really hard. I know none of my animals means more to me than another but this cat was like a shining light of what it means to be loving and kind.
We also lost another one of our ducks this year. A Least Weasel got hold of her and slit her throat. Least Weasels normally are only out at night but we manage to have Least Weasels who are out during the day as the ducks are shut up securely at night. I walk out to shut them in at dusk and find one with a slit throat. We are now down to 2 ducks. If we lose another one, I will take the final one to a friend who has ducks because ducks just need to be with other ducks.
When May gets here, I have decided to give my horse to my sister. My horse loves life at my sister’s house as my sister has several horses. My horse acts like I’m taking her to Horsey Camp and she never enjoys leaving so I know she will be happy there. I am unable to ride due to my nervous system going haywire when I get on her. I have put off letting my horse go. I won’t say I’m ready but I know it’s time so I’m finally taking the step.
That leaves us with 3 kitties:  2 are 11 years old and 1 is 10 years old. One of the 11 year old kitties is having challenges. So far the good days outweigh the bad so we are holding off on letting him go. I don’t know how long he has but I’m enjoying him while he’s around.
I appreciate the Universe waiting until I was ready to let go of my attachments. It doesn’t make it any easier to experience the losses but I know they are necessary for me to step into who I am meant to be. All of my animals have been here to teach Jeff and I different things. Their willingness to move on so quickly just solidifies that we are learning the lessons they were here to teach.
I still have stuff to go through and sell or give away. I suspect, when I’m done things will look a little bare. However, we will be living minimally and we both want to live with less. Letting go almost feels cathartic on occasion. I keep watching shows like “Tiny House” and “Tiny House Hunting.” At this point, I have a hard time seeing myself living large in the future. Of course, our house is tiny (1400 square feet) by a lot of people’s standards. I’m excited about the possibility of living small enough I only need a suitcase. It’s not a goal but I see it as a distinct possibility in the future.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Releasing Attachment