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Perception is one of those things which sets our reality but is open to interpretation. It keeps us from understanding other people. Each person has their own perception based upon their idea of reality which is based upon their past experiences. Since no two people experience life in exactly the same way, we cannot truly understand another’s perception of reality from their point of view. However, we do seem to come close enough to develop relationships, come to agreements, and, sometimes, feel understood & as if we understand.

The first time I understood perception as a means of shaping reality, I was in my first year of college. I was reading a beginning psychology book explaining the stages of development. The book was talking about teenage boys using picking, punching, etc as a means to show affection towards a female they find attractive. My first reaction was “Yeah, right.” Then it occured to me, maybe, this book knew something I didn’t. So, I sat back and looked over my life from the perspective the book was presenting.

You see, in my life, I was mostly raised by my animals. Animals do not attack or act aggressively unless they are threatened in some way. Their attack is a means to tell a human to back off. So, when a human was picking on me, pushing me around, or in any way being something other than nice and kind, I assumed I was doing something which was bothering them. I tried to change my behavior but, in the case of teenage boys, it didn’t help. So, I would just write those boys off and move on in my life trying to avoid contact with people who were unkind.

When I looked back at my life from the perspective of those incidents, possibly, being signs of interest in me as a female, it changed my whole life. I wasn’t unattractive, unlikeable, or even hated. I was, possibly, liked, admired, sought after, and people may even want to get to know me. So, I changed my perception of the world because I’d much rather live in a world where I am liked than in one where I am unliked. Thankfully, I did change my perception because, when I got together with my future husband, he punched me, lightly, in the arm. My first reaction was, “What did I do?!” I was thinking I’d ticked him off. However, I remembered the psychology book so I punched him, lightly, back on the arm and we started dating. With my first reaction, I would have written him out of my life and wanted no further contact. With the second reaction, I ended up married to him. So, perception played a very big role in my life and returned a completely different outcome.

My perceptions about many things have changed over the years. Dis-ease is no longer something that has to happen to me. My current perception is that I can live a life free from dis-ease once I learn how to change my perceptions so I see everyone from a place of love.

I no longer have to get injured if I fall because I know that, if I can stay relaxed, I can get up and walk away from falls.

I no longer have to spend 2 weeks on crutches when my patella flips out to the side. I can get up and walk away from the incident. Sometimes recovery is a process but I know that, too, can be instant recovery. I also know, when I reach a place of love, I probably won’t have the patella incidents ever again.

I was taught animals will lie to me, feel my fear and take advantage of it, and need to be taught certain things. I have realized animals never lie. They feel my fear and become afraid because they respect me enough to think there is something of which to be afraid and react accordingly. And, animals have the answers if I’m smart enough to listen to them instead of imposing my limited views upon them. Since I’ve changed my views on animals, I cannot sit down in my house without at least 1 cat immediately crawling onto me; normally, within a minute of sitting, I have 3 cats on me. 🙂

Any time I react it is due to my perceptions. I use to try to change my perceptions. Now, I’m just trying to make one change to my perception. I want to see the world and everyone in it as the loving environment and people we truly are. Sure bad things seem to happen but that is just people screaming for help. If I can see the love inside everyone, and realize any action, other than love, is simply a cry for help then I can be a place of love & safety for anyone who comes into contact with me. That alone will make the world a better place.

What perceptions have changed in your life over the years?

How did I end up here, again? This is a question that comes up often for me. It’s the question I ask when I think I’ve dealt with a “problem” and then, inexplicably, it seems I am having the same problem again. Okay, it has a variation and is slightly or even obviously different but it feels like the same old problem.
Over the years, I’ve realized there are many levels of learning that go into releasing my reaction to a “problem.” I have figured out, even after releasing an emotion, it comes back in different forms to access deeper and deeper avenues of that emotion. For instance, abandonment is one of my issues. Actually, I think abandonment might be my only issue. It is at the root of the majority of my reactions. I have released this issue, and variations of it, for so long I am surprised when I am still surprised when it comes up again. Each time I deal with abandonment, I learn more about myself and what I need to do to care more completely for myself.
This most recent encounter with my abandonment issue is teaching me a new lesson. I have been feeling angry and depressed and, recently, it morphed into a strong desire to escape my life. I didn’t know why. The lesson I learned is to become more aware of my feelings around an emotion. Today, I decided to ask myself what I was feeling and when was the last time I felt this way. It helped me figure out what has been going on.
Why do I want to escape my life? I’ll be honest. Since my issue is abandonment, I tend to want to run away from relationships; all relationships. I’m willing to deal with relationships but, when a rough patch hits, I begin to feel alone and then my desire to run away begins. I am doing better about not running away because, now, when I first feel something is off, I bring it up. If the other person communicates with me then we can work through all the debris and figure out what is happening and how to get things back on course. If the other person does not communicate, I will try to figure it out, on my own, but, eventually, I just end up angry because I’m doing all the work, feeling frustrated, getting nowhere, and, finally, I want to throw in the towel.
However, I know I came to Earth to work on relationships in this lifetime. Yes, my mission is to do the one thing I find the most difficult. Can we say irony? So, at least I have finally figured out why I’m having a problem so I can put it into understandable words. Now it will be much easier to accomplish a goal. I’m feeling better already.

I have developed an awareness of what is happening within my body which is pretty perceptive, accurate, and gives me early indicators for how I’m doing and what I need to be doing. While I’ve had this awareness for a while, I’ve found it difficult to actually do what I need to do for myself. Recently I discovered I don’t take care of myself when I know I need to because I am still looking outside myself for approval. I truly had thought I didn’t care about other’s opinions. Mostly, that was true. However, I still wanted recognition for my thoughts, accomplishments, and abilities. So, now I am working on recognizing when I am ignoring what I need to do for me and seeking approval outside myself.
All of this is important because taking care of myself is why I haven’t blogged in a while. I had been doing very well at taking care of myself and I was feeling really well:  waking up feeling refreshed, ready to do things I wanted to accomplish, & adding more people to my schedule. I’ve been busy. When I was able to let go of the emotions around my perception of what others wanted of me, I found myself having more energy for the things I wanted to do with my life. This lasted for a full 2 weeks before I started, once again, allowing my perception of what others wanted to influence how I lived. I began feeling more tired. I ignored it and did what I thought I “had” to do until my body said, “Take care of yourself or I will stop you in your tracks again.” I paid attention to that because, for me, that is more scary than living up to what I think I have to do to make others happy. So, again, I’ve gotten things under control and I’m mentally and emotionally back on track to try again. Thankfully, we are experiencing a bit of cold and snow so doing the stuff we were doing is on hold.
The key to all of this is realizing that when I think I have to do something to please someone else, it is my perception of reality and not necessarily what is real. Even if my perception is accurate, and the other person does what me to do something, I have to ask myself if doing the “stuff” is life/death. If not, then it can wait until I’ve taken care of myself. The more I take care of myself, the more I will be able to take care of others. It’s a process. I will grow and regress probably many times. Hopefully, I am learning quickly enough I won’t need to repeat this lesson.

If we doubt, in any way, the pureness of love within ourselves, it is only because the ego is obscurring our vision. If we understood how completely we have been deceived by the ego we would drown it with love so it would be removed from our thoughts. The ego is dark. It is not dangerous. It doesn’t really exist. It is there simply because we have created it to try to understand the illusions in which we live. The ego is dark simply because it hides the light within us, the love that would shine forth and bring heaven to earth. Because we have created it, the ego tells us we have a vested interest in preserving the knowledge of the ego. There is no real knowledge there but it is all we’ve known so we cling to it as a child to its Mother even though we are the Creator of the ego.

The ego creates illusions by believing the past and the future are important. Neither the past nor the future matter to the loving being within us. Only now is important because only now can exist. The past binds us to the pains, the memories, and the emotions of the past. Love recognizes none of those things matter and have no need to exist. They are simply stones we carry around our necks which weigh us down and keep us preoccupied with the anger they breed. If the love within us is embraced, we can release the past. We can live joyfully in the present and see the joy and love within others around us.

When people around us are bound in their egos, which may cause them to act meanly towards us, it is simply a plea for love. The people who are bound in their egos do not know why they are so angry and fearful. However, there is a part of them – which they remember from before they were born- which tells them they are love. So they look outside themselves for the love they cannot find within. We can extend that love. We do not have to allow people to abuse us but we can hold love in our hearts for them until they are ready to receive it for themselves.

This picture just stopped my mind. After a bit of looking at it, I realized I was having zero thoughts. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was seeing. My mind was completely peaceful. I picked the word peaceful because I imagine that is what I was feeling but, as I said, I was having no thoughts so I really don’t have a word for what my mind/body was feeling. If the stillness has never happened for you, it will be difficult to understand what I’m trying to express. If the stillness has happened to you, you will understand completely.
I love the stillness. I can maintain it while I’m working with people. I have a specific room which I use only for working with people and it is easy for me to step into my silent mind when I enter the room. It took a while to learn how to converse and then come back to the stillness but I have learned. When I am in my room, I am working from a place of focused awareness. I am aware of everything yet nothing at the same time. I’m there but nothing outside me can touch me.
I’ve always had the ability to step into the stillness at will. Many people talk about meditation as a difficult thing. I never understood until I realized others do not have the ability to step into the stillness at will. Everyone has stepped into the stillness but they’ve called it different things. It’s when you are doing something and you are so focued upon it that when you stop, you find yourself amazed at how much time has passed. I remember one day a whole day passed and I thought only 3 – 4 hours had passed. I had started at 8AM and when I looked up it was 9PM. Usually people can remember a time when this has happened to them. Yes, your mind is busy but, if you think back on it, you may not remember clearly what exactly transpired during the entire time. You were there but not completely present.
Another way this can come into play is when I want to wake up at a certain time or end a session at a certain time. I will wake up about 5 minutes before the designated time I’ve set in my brain or I will look at the clock about 15 minutes before the session is due to end. Waking up 5 minutes early allows me to get up without hearing an alarm clock. Looking at the clock 15 minutes before the session is done allows me to bring the session to a close in a calm manner that feels to the client like a smooth ending.
I wonder if focus and awareness are really 2 different things or 2 words for the same thing. I’m unsure. I know, when I am moving with awareness, my mind stills and I am only aware of what my body wants from me. I don’t think about it, I simply listen for the guidance and find my way towards what my mind and body desire. There is no plan just as there is no plan when I start working with a client. I can have an idea of what I’d like to do but, as soon as my hands touch the client, the communication which occurs between their body and mine becomes my guide as to what they need of me. Sometimes, my original plan is correct but, often, my original plan is left in the dust as I learn what the body before me needs of me. This focus is one of the things I most enjoy about my work. I love learning new things that each person’s body teaches me but I most love the peace and feeling of being connected to a Source of all Knowledge that is much greater than I.
Is there a way to live in this focused awareness at all times? I suspect it is possible. It feels possible. I just don’t know how to bring that focus into a distracting, demanding environment with all the distractions. Wow! I can feel my body start to tense even just writing that sentence. So, obviously, I must find a way to feel as if there are no distractions or demands regardless of what is happening around me. I must learn how to be unaffected by all that is happening around me. I must understand I can only do what I can do and the rest will take care of itself. Hmmm. That is a completely different way fo thinking for me. Part of me wonders if I can do it. I know I can if I am willing to let go of my ego which wants to be indispensible and important. Well, don’t that trigger some emotional issues? Yes, I’m willing to be unimportant and unnoticed though I suspect the opposite will happen. Okay, here goes!

There came a point in my life when I decided to leave the past in the past. To me, this meant letting go of anything, that happened in my past, which left me with negative feelings. I realized I was unable to control anything in the past because it was before my life was in my hands. I realize the past influences the present but I also realize the past no longer needs to influence/control the present. I am capable of changing the reactions I’ve developed over the years. The present is mine and it is up to me who I become and I am the one responsible for letting go of anything in my life I no longer desire and to get what I do desire. It has been a little over a year since I’ve started on this path. I’ve come a long way and I have a long way to go.
I’ve been experiencing a lot of headaches and joint pain lately. I have to take aspirin every night and sometimes during the day. I don’t know what is going on or why I’m having these headaches. They remind me of many years ago when I had the headaches and joint pain 24/7. They left for many years. The only reason I can give for their return is as a part of my healing journey. I hope I’m right.
I’ve also been experiencing a lot of healing at night. I can always tell because I wake up frequently and have a very urgent need to go to the bathroom. From what I’ve read, that is pretty normal. I also know because I can see and feel changes happening within me both inside and outside.
Lastly, I’ve been having nightmares. I don’t have nightmares. I call them nightmares though I am not afraid. I just don’t appreciate the visuals because they are unpleasant to view. Nothing bad is happening. It’s more like going to a haunted house place. I have no desire to go to any of those places so it isn’t a memory. I see accidents, victims, what seem to be dead people. I don’t know why this is happening either. On the plus side, this is only happening in my sleep. 🙂
I’ve recently started spending some time with my horse and reading some books. Yes, I’ve always been a reader. I’ve done a lot of kindle reading for about 2 years and, now, I’ve gone to the library and gotten some books. I do like the feel of a book in my hands. The connection with my horse is nice too. She is a great horse and I can see the difference in our relationship. Animals are such a great reflection of who we are. I can see how much I’ve changed by watching how my horse and I interact. I am enjoying seeing myself through her eyes.
I’ve recently let go of the future as well as the past. That is a different way of being in the world. Letting go fo the future has actually been more challenging than letting go of the past. I have also found it brings up the past for me which I find really odd. I’m sure they are connected. Living in the present is such a wonderful place to be. The ego really doesn’t enjoy being in the present. The spirit of the present, for me, is so amazing. It’s a very open, wonderous place so full of possibility. My ego drags me out of it often. I am steadfast in pulling myself back to the present.

I know I am to see the luminous beauty of everyone’s soul so intently that I cannot see anything their ego does. I know what I see in another is simply a reflection of myself and a lack of love towards myself. I can know these things logically and find them very emotionally challenging to implement. Of course the emotionally challenge comes from a lack of love, in some respect, for myself. Each time I find something emotionally challenging, I am judging something and, therefore, I am judging something within myself. While I know this logically, I must say I find it emotionally sucky! I have so much work to do before my emotions are in line with my logic. I also know that logic doesn’t really matter and emotion is all that matters. So there, again, it leaves me with a sucky feeling.
I must immediately forgive myself for the sucky feelings and the lack of emotional love and lack of forgiveness for myself because there is no judgement other than what I extend towards myself. Re-reading that makes me laugh because it reminds me of a recursive loop. A recursive loop is a computer term which is a concept that loops back to its beginning and is never ending. A more understandable way of saying this might be to talk about the chicken/egg concept. Which came first? If the egg came first, where did it come from? If the chicken came first, where did it come from? This is the concept of a recursive loop. There is no real beginning and there is no real end, it simply circles back upon itself. So, my emotions are in a recursive loop until I figure out how to break the cycle.
I can see where, once I’ve let go of all the emotional baggage, I will have little or no need for stuff/clutter/possessions. In some ways, having no need for possessions feels scary and, on the other hand, I know it will be very freeing. The scary side of it confuses me. What do the possessions give me that makes me afraid to let go of them? I believe finding these answers are keys to letting go of my emotional baggage.
I, like others, have been upset by recent political events. I wasn’t afraid of what was going to happen. I was more upset by the actions of the people involved. I can logically understand the people involved have a luminous light that is their soul. I can also understand it was very buried under their ego actions. I have a problem understanding how people can be so insensitive to how we need to come together as a human race and help and support each other. I also understand, because those are the issues I have with the people involved, it must mean those are issues I have with myself. I’m really trying to find those times when I am not supportive of others. I see them and I am working on them and I am having some success.
I am trying to do this process with every emotion I have. If I feel it when I see someone else do something then I must see how it applies to my own way of being in the world. I think this process will, eventually, help me become the person I want to be and live the way I want to live. Interestingly, I also realize I don’t really know how I want to be or how I want to live. I am finding out those answers as I journey through this process.

A quicky update:  Jeff is home and my flare up seems to be dispersing well.
According to “A Course In Miracles,” the way to see everyone’s soul is to recognize that love is the only truth. Everything else is a request for help or healing. I have to say this really helped me get an understanding of how to view the entire world and all the people in it. As expected, this view is making my life even more calm.
I find the calmness very odd. I’m still not use to it. Of course, I’ve only been experiencing it for a few months. I can definitely see where there may come a time when I seek no possessions, pets, or obligations in my life. This does not mean I won’t be “doing” anything. I realize life does not have to be filled with obligations in order to be productive or provide help to others. Maybe being free of obligations leaves me more capable of helping others.
My thoughts have been chaotic this past week and I find they are still chaotic. Then there are the expanses of time when I am thinking of absolutely nothing. Those are a brand new experience! I’ve also noticed I can’t remember what conversations are about when the people involved are busy being negative or otherwise fearful about something. I remember there was a conversation and that it was lacking in positivity but I have no memory of the contents of the actual conversation. If I do any talking, I try to point out the positive. If I’m ignored or negated, I just let it pass.
Jeff has been back 1 day and I’ve noticed a big change in him as well. During this trip he seems to have found an inner calm that wasn’t there before he left. We went to Sound Meditation this morning and enjoyed it very much. Afterward, we were talking and sharing experiences and the calm and serenity of our conversation was amazing. It felt new and nice. I’m looking forward to our future together and the conversations we will continue to enjoy.

Yesterday, I could not get this to post to FB. I will try again today. I suspect some hidden coding got into yesterday’s message and caused the problem. We’ll see.
I was reading “A Course In Miracles” and it is talking about how I must see each person’s soul and completely disregard the ego part of the person. It wasn’t talking about ignoring the ego, it was talking about seeing the person’s soul so clearly that the ego part of the person doesn’t even exist for me. I believe it is possible which is the first step. I know, when I accomplish this, it will be completely amazing; not only for me but for those around me! Right now I’m figuring out how to acheive this outlook. I’m working on keeping positive thoughts in my mind at all times, really looking at what is around me and seeing it with the fresh eyes of a child, and not acknowledging anything that I normally perceive as negative as even existing. I’m not ignoring it. I’m trying to recognize it is an illusion and that I don’t have to buy into the illusion. Instead I can redirect my mind toward what I think is closer to reality or Nature as I like to call it.
Our chickens and ducks have reached 2 years of age and we are getting few eggs and, usually, no eggs. I am spending time thinking about my desire around the chickens and ducks and what I want to have happen in the future where eggs and meat are concerned. I haven’t reached enlightenment to where I no longer need food or water to survive so supplying myself with those sources is still relevant. I want to simplify in this area as right now it feels too cluttered and unnecessary.
It’s all part of the process of my life right now. What changes do I need to make in my surroundings and within myself in order to simplify my life, keep the necessary, and lower my stress towards zero as much as possible? This process is a whole life makeover. It is the largest task I’ve ever undertaken. I need my health and energy to do it and my health and energy are connected to me actually doing the simplifying. It feels like a chicken/egg scenario. My habits have been in charge for a very long time and it has not served me well in the long-term. Thankfully, the past 10+ years have taken me on a path of more awareness and I am realizing my habits must change in a major way. They must change not just with how I move physically within the world. They must also change in every aspect of how I interact with the world and within myself. It will be an interesting journey and I am beginning to get excited about it.

This morning my mind was so busy bringing up negativity all I wanted to do was yell, “Shut Up!!!” Of course, I know that doesn’t work so, instead, I changed my perspective and began noticing the view as I drove along. I noticed the trees, the changing colors, and any other little thing that caught my eye. That helped and my mind has been decent since. The next thing that happened was my phone rang 4 times in a span of a half hour. To put that in perspective you need to know that if my phone rings 4 times per week it has been a busy phone week for me. 🙂 My clients have regular appointments and so I have no need to be on the phone. Next was taking care of animals, which is normal, but today was a restocking of supplies and figuring stuff out. This compounded with my flare-up had me wondering what message I was receiving but finding myself completely oblivious as to the message. I still don’t know.
I’ve also been experiencing overheating. By that I mean, I will feel incredibly hot and then I feel fine. It is not a hot flash because there is no sweating plus I’m past that stage. It’s more like a fever but my temperature is fine. Last night I did say I was willing to be free of all forms of illness for all time so maybe this is around that. I remember getting rid of my allergies caused things to happen that didn’t seem related to allergies at all. Thankfully, at the time, my teacher knew what was happening and helped me through it. This time I’m on my own. So, I don’t know what is happening but I do know it is really important to be accepting, open, and willing to walk through fire if necessary to get where I’m going.
I’m pleased with how quickly I’m catching myself when my ego gets negative. I can quickly change the view and come around to where the voice turns off. I know I’m developing a new muscle which takes time. Jeff leaves this weekend for Brazil. I’m interested in how this coming week is going to develop. It feels like it will be significant. If it is, I will try to put it into words and share it.