This is a post from some time ago yet is still relevant. For whatever reason, I thought I’d posted it yet I had not. So, here it is.
I’ve been meditating for a number of years. I’ve been developing a system which allows me to meditate regardless of what I’m doing. Sometimes I am better at this than others. Lately, my meditation is taking on a different feel. While this is not something I can yet describe, I definitely feel the difference. I feel like I am able to stay in a meditative state the majority of the time without trying. When negative thoughts come up, I simply tell them, “I’ve heard this before” and dismiss them. I realize this is my Ego trying to get my attention. I understand that my body is use to operating from a feeling of anxiety the majority of the time. I understand I have changed the rules and started a new process of calm, centered behavior that really doesn’t have a lot to say. I understand how this can be upsetting to my Ego because I’m changing all the rules. However, I’m still changing all the rules; my Ego will get use to the new rules.
I’ve dealt with stress the majority of my life. I’ve been diagnosed as being stressed on multiple occassions. At the time, I thought this meant I was making stuff up and overreacting. I know better now. I also understand the illnesses I have exhibited in recent years are due to the continuation of this stress throughout my life. I understand when the stress began and it is time for the stress to be released. It’s very challenging to let go of stress. We get use to it. We miss it when it’s not present. It’s, I believe, the primary reason people report being bored. When there is nothing to distract us from ourselves, we are left with only ourselves upon which to focus. I believe this is why some people get so stressed about meditation. Going within can be very scary. There are all those emotions we’ve been stuffing for so many years and they start to bubble towards to surface. How can we continue to live our lives if we have all the emotions surfacing? We can’t. Therefore, meditation becomes stressful and only becomes easy when we go into those emotions.
I’ve am experiencing a need for sleep. I get enough sleep at night, and I’m not highly active during the day, since I’m letting my achilles tendon heal, yet I find the need for naps during the day. Yes, you read that correctly. Multiple naps are sometimes needed in order for me to not feel tired and I still sleep well at night. Obviously, I need the sleep. I know, for me, needing lots of sleep means I am going through a spiritual growing period. I don’t enjoy needing lots of sleep because it reminds me of when I was sick and I find that stressful. I have to remind myself that I no longer need the sleep unless I’m experiencing growth and that it is for my highest good. Once I remember, the stress subsides, and I am able to move through the growing process more quickly than when I am fighting it.
I believe my recent growth spurt has been why I am able to take my meditation practice more fully into my everyday life without thinking about it so much. It’s becoming who I am rather than something I practice. This is a wonderful feeling and I am enjoying the unfolding of the discoveries. As part of this process, I am learning I am more sensitive to what is happening around me; other people’s feelings. In the past, this would have been draining for me. However, I am learning to go through the feelings and let them teach me how to release those areas which are triggered within me. Now, I feel the feelings, notice if they are triggering me in any way, and either release those triggered areas or simply allow the feeling to pass through without affecting me.
I don’t believe I’ve operated from this place before. I like the fluidity of it, am tripped up sometimes but recover more quickly than ever before, and find myself feeling like I’m an observer of everything. The biggest thing I’ve noticed is my mind is so quiet. I literally find myself thinking about nothing; there are no thoughts running through my head. When I notice, I chuckle. I know that I’m living here on Earth but a part of me feels like I’m living in some sort of in between place. I like the in between place.
Now, my biggest trigger is when I feel pulled back into the “reality” of Earth; when people are angry and reactive. I know part of my journey is to help people let go of the anger and reactivity. I haven’t figured out how to do this yet. I’m sure I will figure it out in time.
How do you get people to stop being angry and reactive so they can begin to think and feel and allow themselves to work through their process instead of simply reacting to their process? Is there something you feel people could do, when you are reactive, which would help calm you and allow you to begin thinking through the process? I’m interested in hearing what works for you.