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We are bombarded with ideas of what is beautiful. There is the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” I think beauty is everywhere and in everything. I want to see nothing but beauty. This picture is a great example. In our area, this is a common weed. I do not know it’s name. It is tiny, has very small flowers, and is only noticeable because of the abundance of flowers on each stem. Even then, if I am not looking for it, I will not see it. This picture magnifies the beauty of this plant. I appreciate and admire it. I use to see only weeds even though the weeds bloomed prettily. One summer I took a class called “Summer Flowering Plants.” I took it because it satisfied a science requirement for college and it sounded interesting. I expected it to cover perennials and annuals that I might find in a flower bed. However, it was all about weeds. I am very grateful to this class for introducing me to the beauty I use to ignore or try to remove from my lawns and flower beds. Now, I do my best to introduce these flowers because they are beautiful, native to the area, require none of my time, and return yearly with no interference from me. Weeds know how to take care of themselves and thrive in adversity. They are an inspiration to me. I understand if other people see weeds but I see the beautiful colors and understand their value in my life. I have noticed, in the past couple of years, other people are seeing the value of weeds because I see weeds being sold for use in and used in flower bouquets.
I’ve noticed many people see themselves as weeds. They don’t like themselves because they compare themselves to others. They want to get rid of parts of themselves. They want to change who they are. When we make comparisons we devalue ourselves. We are each so incredibly valuable to the world. We each have a unique light shining inside us. We each have a unique point of view of the world. We each have something to offer the whole that no one else can bring to the picture. We can see ourselves as weeds or as beautiful flowers. We can find our beauty by releasing the comparisons and limiting beliefs we have acquired.
We pick up the idea that we are supposed to be like other people; we are not supposed to shine brightly and be unique. We want to fit in and be like everyone else. I believe we pick up these ideas from people who are afraid of their uniqueness. However, we recognize our uniqueness even when we try to fit in. Some of us recognize it when we see someone different and admire their ability to be themselves. Some of us recognize it when we feel threatened by someone who is living in a way that differs from our own thinking. In both instances, we are seeing our uniqueness reflected back to us. Our reaction is simply pointing to a limiting belief which shows us where our path lies. Do we fight/hate/resist the change or do we embrace the change?
We can see who we are by our reactions to others. If we react in any way, we are showing ourselves where we need to focus within ourselves; we have discovered a limiting belief. People who are secure in themselves have no reaction to situations around them. There are very few people who have no reaction to any situation around them, including people like the Dalai Lama. So, we all have work to do. I use my reactions to teach me about myself. If I react with anger (fear), I ask myself why I am so angry. Do I feel threatened? Do I feel unliked? Do I feel controlled? Regardless of why I’m angry, I know the resolution lies within myself.
If I feel threatened, I must look at why. Is there an actual physical threat to my life? Doubtful. Often I feel threatened because I am unwilling to hear the other person’s point of view. So, I make myself think about their point of view. Where is it valid? What are its merits? Being strong in my singular point of view does not allow me to understand other people or see where my thinking may need readjustment. Only after I can understand the other point of view can I make an intelligent decision about my own point of view. Usually, at this point, I no longer have any anger about their differing point of view even if I still do not agree with them. They are entitled to their point of view and it has no bearing on me nor does it threaten my own point of view.
If I feel unliked, I am simply wanting someone else to recognize me as being important. Interestingly, when I stand in my own happiness, I rarely find someone who does not like me. If I do find someone who dislikes me, I recognize they feel threatened by my uniqueness and want me to change so they don’t have to deal with their feelings. In the past, I tried to live in a way that made other people happy. It never worked. There was always someone who was unhappy and I definitely was unhappy. So, I figure I might as well be happy with myself. When someone else is unhappy, with how I’m living my life, their unhappiness is about them, not me. They must figure it out for themselves.
If someone is trying to control me, that is a button which still gets the strongest reaction from me. I am working on it but I still don’t do well at handling people who try to control me. On the other hand, I am getting to a point where I often start laughing when someone starts trying to control me. Laughter is not a reaction people are use to receiving and it often does not go over very well with the controlling person, which makes me laugh that much harder. I am not sure why I start laughing but, for the life of me, I am unable to stop. If I do react, with something other than laughter, it is usually with anger.
I realize my anger is about being controlled but isn’t that really me just wanting to control the situation? No one can control me without my permission. I think it is better to become like water. Think about how difficult it is to hold water in your hand. It seeps out. It is almost impossible to hold my hands in such a way there are no crevices for the water to seep through. If I can let my emotions be like water then they flow through and out of me. Anger (fear) does not stay with me. When I allow fear to disperse, it is neutralized.
The closer I get to becoming a person who is reactionless to the world around me, the closer I get to being my most beautiful. I love when I see my beauty shining through. I notice it when I no longer react to a situation which use to bother me. I am grateful for these periods of insight. I know I want to help other people recognize their beauty, their gifts, and their uniqueness. I want to support people as they find all the pieces of themselves. I want us all to recognize our beauty and see the beauty in others. When we become our most beautiful selves, we not only beautify the world but we also shine brightly so others can find their beauty.

I deal with “awakening” through the work I do. I am a Feldenkrais Practitioner and my job, when I work with someone, is to help them develop more awareness about their body. I can do this work either individually or in group lessons. Either way, a person cannot become more aware of their body and remain unawakened. I did not put this together for at least a couple years after I started doing this work. The people who choose to continue and learn enjoy the process. For those who don’t wish to change their perspectives of their lives, they quit doing the work almost immediately.

People progress at their own pace but they always progress. I like using Moshe Feldenkrais’ principles because they allow a person to go within, find what they need, and also help themselves free up the constraints caused my constricted thinking. I love how a free body requires a free mind. It is completely amazing to me how connected everything we do, the things which happen to us, and our actions/reactions shape us. As we free our restrictions, it releases so much possibility within the body, the mind, the emotions, and the Spiritual. Allowing that progression and release brings people to an inner calm they often can’t remember ever experiencing.

This is a picture of my sister’s truck after an accident a few years ago. She was lucky as she survived but she very easily could have died. I share this picture because it shows the fragility of life. We spend so much of our lives worrying about what can happen that we forget to live our lives. When we live in a place of fear (anger, worry, frustration, irritation, hate, etc), we are unable to enjoy the present moment and appreciate the wonder of living.
I had a hard time deciding what to call this post because it is about dichotomy; good/evil, right/wrong, positive/negative. These are all things we believe are opposites. They are only opposites because we have labeled them as such. The fact is they just are. There is no inherent quality to them at all. It’s more like a spectrum of feeling and you can be anywhere on the scale. We have all the qualities within us at all times and each serves a purpose. For instance, I have a tendency to be controlling. While I get this trait quite honestly, I use to desire to remove it from my life. However, control can be used to help me focus my attention and intention to acheive a desired result, I can use it to stop someone from touching something that will burn them, and I can use control as a way of making my life easier with my animals by conditioning them to desired behaviors. There are many other examples where control is useful. Control becomes a problem if I use it in a way that doesn’t allow for a variety of results; I demand things be done exactly a certain way. It is important I realize control over others is an illusion and I only have control over my actions and reactions.
Back to Love vs. Fear. Love is anything which brings us joy, laughter, smiles, etc. Fear is anything which brings us frustration, anger, irritation, etc. We live in one or the other. I am choosing to live in Love. I still have my fears but I recognize them more quickly now and change my thoughts. I have come to the conclusion that unless something is going to kill or harm me, it really can’t be that important. Other people’s anger, opinions, agendas have nothing to do with me. I can participate or disengage. Since I don’t like the way I feel when I am being fearful, I choose to disengage. Sometimes, I engage and realize later that I let the fear into my life. I can learn from that situation and, when I encounter it again, I can disengage more quickly.
This week, I had an experience where I thought I was heading towards another relapse. A relapse, for a person with Multiple Sclerosis, is usually significant and causes major challenges. Relapses are caused when the myelin covering the nerves is damaged which can result in damage to the nervous system. For me, I have difficulty walking, pain, unable to think clearly or at all, extreme fatigue, and headaches. So far, I’ve been able to recover from the relapses with no noticeable damage. My first reaction was fear. I immediately thought about how much I didn’t want to have a relapse. Almost immediately after my first reaction, I was able to calm myself and ask, “What can I do that will possibly help my body circumvent a relapse?” I had a session with a massage therapist planned so I decided to go to the session and ask her to do energy work only. She is gifted and we do a lot of unusual things during our sessions; they are never just massage sessions. She agreed to the idea of energy work and we set about making it happen. I joined her by drawing energy into myself while she sent me energy. It was an amazing session for both of us! Before the session, I had felt tired and slumped over. After the session, I felt rejuvenated and energetic and my sternum was upright. Will this stop a relapse? I don’t know but I do feel more secure and loved by taking care of my body and giving it the things I hope will contribute to a relapse-free future.
Inside every cloud there is a silver lining. Even when everything is going wonderfully, there is the knowledge of change. While change is inevitable, it is up to us whether it is painful or not. We can choose to resist change and cause discomfort through our resistance or we can accept that change is inevitable and embrace it. How many times have you set a goal, worked towards the goal, reached the goal, and then thought, “Okay, I did that. Now, what is next?” We are often searching for the next change in our lives. What change will we bring into our lives next? Can we enjoy the change? The end result is not what drives us. If it were, we would quit when we reach it instead of searching for a new goal.
What changes are you going to bring into your life next?

This is a baby hummingbird and hummingbird nest. I love looking at this nest and seeing the spider webs and little bits of leaves and hair mixed into it. There are actually two baby hummingbirds in the nest though it looks like only one. The nest is approximately 1 inch across. As the babies grew, the nest had a built in elasticity to it so it stretched easily holding both babies while they grew for about 5 weeks. By the end, the nest was about 4 inches across which shows a lot of ability to grow and change. Mother Nature and all the creatures which inhabit Earth are very adaptable and able to grow and change. It is our limiting beliefs which hold us in place and constrict the life out of us. I have spent several years working on opening my mind to limitless opportunities both within and oustide myself. Late last year, I had a realization that while I like myself there are a lot of ways in which I put myself down, blame myself for things over which I have no control, and make my life miserable. As I questioned why I do this, I realized I had taken on the beliefs and attitudes of people around me. I hadn’t consciously done this and I wasn’t told what to think or believe. That is what is so powerful about the ingraining of what I call the Voices; we put them into ourselves. We do this because though we are born as beings of perfect love, we have no reference point against which to compare who we are with what is happening around us. So, as life shapes us, we forget our perfection and believe what we see and hear around us.
All of this causes a lot of internal conflict which we may or may not realize is happening. Our core, loving perfection wants us to life a fulfilling, joyful, expansive life. The Voices often hold us back by telling us we are not worthy. The feelings of not being worthy vary but they always come down to we need to keep ourselves less than our core greatness. I am on a journey to discover my full fledged greatness!
I have a strong desire to learn to love myself more. What I mean by this is, I want to get rid of the self-criticism, derogatory thinking, and guilt about making mistakes; after all mistakes are the only way to learn. Since I believe we are born perfect and full of love, I also believe all this negativity I direct at myself is from outside myself. I have chosen to ingrain it into my life so I can choose to remove it from my life. Like all habits, it will take time to remove the Voices. I want to return to the perfection we all have when we are born. If I can do this, I believe I can help other people see a way to return to their perfection.
Interestingly, since I’ve decided to remove the Voices, I have found myself feeling more angry and fearful. My thoughts are insane in that they are about fearful things happening that have very little chance of ever happening to me. They are so remote that I actually find myself laughing when I take the time to stop myself and watch what I’m allowing to happen in my head. It’s like going to see a horror movie and thinking it is real life and actually happening to me. How ridiculous is that? So, I have decided my mind must feel so threatened by the fact I wish to be loving towards myself that it is using these scare tactis to derail me. I believe they will give up and go away, I just have to continue to laugh at them. Sometimes, laughing is a challenge because I’d rather not have to deal with the negative thoughts. I believe, once I can remove/diminish the Voices, I will automatically be happier, more loving towards myself and others, and laugh more often.
Why am I doing this? I want to live a life where I see the best in others and feel unconditional love for all people in all situations. I understand that, while I can love people, I can only love them as much as I am able to love myself. If I feel critical towards myself, I will feel critical towards others. That is not unconditional love, it is very conditional. I also know if I can find my way towards unconditional love for myself, I will no longer react to other people in a negative way. The reason I believe this is because I will feel calmer, more secure within myself, and less threatened by the opinions of others. If I feel differently, I will react to others differently. If I feel less judgemental towards myself, I will feel less judgemental towards others. If I love myself then I will love others. I understand people will not always like me or agree with me. However, I will feel less threatened by those things if I am happy within myself because I won’t take it personally. I believe if I don’t take people’s opinions personally then we will be better able to communicate because they will feel my comfort and peace and feel comfort and peace within themselves. I can see where unconditional love for myself will be of benefit to me in all areas of my life.
May you find your inner perfection and love for yourself. I wish you peace and joy and greatness in this New Year. As I know I am a work in progress, if anyone has thoughts they wish to share, I’d love to hear them. I notice I learn from other people as much as they may learn from me. My desire to learn to love myself came from hearing someone else express their thoughts and feeling the truth of their words. Most of my great insights have come to me from hearing other people’s thoughts and experiences. I look forward to hearing yours.

This is my first blog. I have no idea what exactly I will post here. Some of the things I suspect will happen include stories about what is happening in my life. This can range from stories about me, the animals, my perceptions and insights into my life, stories that contradict each other because I’m finding my way and asking all sorts of questions. I’m sure some people will find my prose valuable and others not. Either way, I hope you enjoy your time here. My plan is to submit a blog once a month. I may blog more often but, hopefully, not less.
Today happens to be one of my more difficult days. I took 2 weeks off for Christmas so I could hang with my husband and we could, hopefully, take a small trip. Unfortunately, I am not able to do very much without my body attacking me with joint pain and headaches. No, drugs do not help. I was diagnosed with MS in 2005 and I’ve had extreme fatigue for several years before and since the diagnosis. I had a relapse in November 2012 so I guess I’m still recovering. On the other hand, when I feel good, I feel better than before the relapse! Yea! So, this vacation has mostly been about me realizing I need to take it easy.
Today, I am preparing a Spinach Artichoke Dip to take to a family get-together on Christmas Day. I’m doing this early so I can rest Christmas Eve and bake the dish Christmas Day right before attending the party. I hope I have the energy, if I do all the work ahead of time, to go to the party without paying the price of pain afterwards.
Lessons I am learning include how to relieve the pain once I am in it. I have found I can rotate my vertebra one at a time starting at the base of my skull and going down to my tailbone. I do 3 rotations in each direction on each vertebra. This really seems to help the joint pain. I also do my fingers/toes, wrists/ankles, elbow/knee, and shoulder/hip joints. What made me think to do this? Thankfully, I am a Feldenkrais Practitioner and it is part of my job to think of ways to get places that hurt to move without pain. I don’t just do the rotations. I also include deep breathing and keeping my body relaxed. I can tell how relaxed I am by how much of my body moves with each breath. If I breath and my head, shoulders, or hips remain unmoving, I am holding somewhere. It is not so important for everything to move as it is to have the intention that all of my body can move freely.
My headaches will disappear with deep breathing and relaxation. I’ve also noticed how the deep breathing and relaxation brings me into the present moment. As soon as I move out of the present moment, the headaches return. Obviously, I am supposed to learn to stay present in each moment. I can understand this because I know staying present also helps me to stay calm. If I stay calm, I expend less energy. Expending less energy means I can do more before I’ve done too much. Yes, there is a method to the madness.
I’m going back to making the Spinach Artichoke Dip. This will give me another chance to practice staying present and relaxed as I tend to tense when I get focused. Wish me luck!