I Believe

I have come to believe that every difficulty, challenge, trauma, illness, etc which enters our life is an opportunity to learn about ourselves. Our reactions tell us where we still need learning. Every reaction is about us, never about what is happening. If we can learn to view our reactions as places where we can give ourselves Love, pay attention to what is happening within us, and forgive ourselves for not remembering how to be curious and in the Present Moment, we can unlearn all the training society has instilled in us. I believe the only reason we react to situations is because of the societal training we’ve learned. If we hadn’t learned what people are supposed to do and how things are supposed to happen, we would approach every situation with curiosity and a sense of wonder; the same as small children.
Without curiosity, I let my life become about all the things everyone else told me I was supposed to do. There was no joy in my life because I was so busy trying to live up to the expectations. The first thing I noticed, after several years, was a feeling of fatigue. It wasn’t bad and I could still do everything I demanded my body do but I just felt like I couldn’t get enough rest. After several more years of me pushing through my days to fulfill my roles, I started having more symptoms and stronger fatigue. I could still get through my day but, if left to sleep as much as I needed, I would sleep like a dead person and only be up for a few hours. No, I wasn’t depressed because I wanted to do lots of things and I was excited about doing lots of things. I simply didn’t have the ability to do what I desired to do. My memory was challenging, my eyes were doing funky things, my body began having odd sensations or lack of sensations and, eventually, my body shut me down; I was unable to walk or move my legs with intention. I lost the ability to control my hands; I could use them as claws. The paralysis lasted only a couple weeks, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis after several days and tests, and I began the process of coming back from the paralysis. While I could walk, my legs felt like lead weights. I couldn’t stand more than a few minutes because my body would go into cold sweats, I would start shaking, and my legs would give out. I seriously had to slow down and take a look at my life.
Now, I’m pretty stubborn/controlling, whatever you want to call it, and I wasn’t just going to sit by and let this happen. I was going to fix it! So, I began doing different treatment options trying to find something that would work. After several years of this roller coaster, I finally hit acceptance and asked what do I need to do. The first thing was to make myself a priority and make this an unconditional part of my life. That was hard for me as I’d been trained to know I was responsible for the entire world; my needs/desires were unimportant.
I’m still on the journey and, truthfully, I’ve only just begun. I truly accepted and handed myself over to the process August 2013. Interestingly, since I handed my life over completely (most of the time), my energy has improved significantly. I find myself laughing, smiling, and dancing because I’m enjoying my life. I haven’t done that in a very long time. What I notice most is, every time I let myself react, am uncompromising about a specific outcome, pressure myself to meet someone else’s needs over my own, or have any fear-based emotion (any emotion other than joy or love), I lose my energy. It’s like someone turns off the light switch for my energy. As soon as I truly accept the learning in the reaction, I get my energy back; as if someone turned the switch back on. I admit I am motivated to keep my energy so I am becoming very peaceful around reactions. Yes, I have the initial response and upset. My energy begins to leave. I know I have 2 choices:  figure out the reaction, what training contributed to it, forgive myself for allowing that training to run my life, and accept the world is here to always support me. It’s a lot of work and I feel I’ve come a long way in a short amount of time though I took my time getting here (a good 15 years or so).
How the journey presents itself is different for each of us. It is up to us whether the journey is painful or easy. The more we struggle, the more difficult the journey. As soon as we accept and allow, the journey smooths itself. The challenges don’t change. Only our perception of those challenges changes. It is my belief the reason so many people are experiencing auto-immune diseases, chronic syndromes, chronic pain, and chronic fatigue is because the Universe is in a powerful change. We are being called to wake up to our potential and power so we can help create the change which needs to occur. All the illnesses and pain are to force us to slow down and become curious and aware of our Inner Path so we can become the Change Agents the world needs. I hope to help people discover their Inner Voice so they can fulfill their purpose and raise the vibration of the Universe.
I agree things like the food we eat, the air we breathe, the amount of sleep with receive, the amount of movement we receive is all important. Those things are important but we have to take care of ourselves first. We can’t eat right and exercise if we can’t stay awake. So, sleep is most important and next is food. Once those 2 things are in place exercise will begin to find us because we will feel like moving. I admit it can be really challenging to take care of ourselves, especially with the societal voices running in our heads. If we don’t, though, I believe we continue to lose ourselves and, eventually, others lose us.
Has anyone else found relief from pain, illness, life by getting in touch with the force within?