For the majority of my life, I have wanted to make a living with horses. I wanted a barn, indoor and outdoor riding arena, I would train horses, and I would teach people how to care for horses and how to ride. I might board other people’s horses, rescue horses, or rehabilitate horses. I wanted a lot of land and I wanted it to border a State Park or Forest so there would be plenty of room for trail riding. I could offer a place for people to stay, take them on trail rides, and teach them about horses as well. Since I’m also into self-sufficiency, I would also have some cattle, rabbits, ducks, and chickens. There would be a dog or two and cats. That dream has never come to fruition and it is doubtful it ever will. When I realized my dream was unlikely to happen, I felt a lot of anger and disappointment; I sometimes still do.
Interestingly, over the past year, my life has been rapidly changing and I’ve begun to have a new dream. The new dream does not contain any animals. In fact, it contains no responsibilities whatsoever. Part of me is bothered by this new dream because it seems so different from who I always thought myself to be. However, as I said, things are rapidly changing for me and I often find myself curious to see who I will be when my transformation is complete.
So far, I see a person who is much calmer than before, my memory of events isn’t what it use to be because I find myself not caring to remember, and I feel so nonplussed by events happening around me I wonder if something is wrong. I’ve never felt the way I do these days and the lowered anxiety sometimes makes me wonder if I’m depressed. There is also a part of me that doesn’t care to worry about where my life is going now. Most of the time, I’m feeling happy to be along for the ride and enjoy the process of discovering the me I’m becoming.
Who was the wise one that said something to the effect that when we do not react to what is happening around us, we are karma neutral? When we are no longer reacting or have any investment in the hubub surrounding us, we are not on the karmic wheel. Good for you!!!!!
Hugs,
Carl
Thanks for the information. I had never heard that before. I know it feels odd because I have been trained to be constantly aware of the external (anxious). This new way is really nice but it feels like shoes that aren’t broken in.
Interesting that I have the same non-reactionary feeling….sometimes, yet not frequently enough, so far. It is a place I can visit now at will though which is nice. Its pure peace. At first, the lack of chaos felt like a void. But as I explored it & got to know it, I found it to be so very normal & healthy. It isn’t necessarily how I formerly envisioned peace…but it is necessarily a void of sorts. And…it is so very different than we are taught to be in pursuit of education, livelihood, relationship, etc.
Very well stated, Toni. I’m beginning to wonder how abundant energy will feel now. Will it feel like what I see in playing children or will it be more calm & peaceful also?