Thinking out loud

I’ve begun reading “A Course In Miracles.” This is a book created by a person who was channeling a spirit. The spirit was talking to the author and, when the author told her collegue what was happening, they decided to write it all down and publish it. I’ve tried to read a few of these channeled books before and I’ve never been able to get through them. When I bought “A Course In Miracles,” I did not realize it was a channeled book.
Anyway, I’ve been reading this book and I’m finding it very interesting that there are days when I have to re-read pretty much every sentence to understand it. Then there are days when I pick up the book and it makes perfect sense and I re-read nothing. This understanding doesn’t change from one section of the book to another. It only changes reading by reading. I suspect there is something going on within me on the days I find the reading to be easy. There may be less struggling going on within. Maybe it’s more of an open mind. I’m not sure.
What I’m reading makes sense and I will do my best to finish the book. There is very little that is coming across as “new” to me. I’m hoping that will change. Often, when reading a really long book, I find the book could have been a lot shorter. By this I mean, books often say, in one paragraph, what they take an entire book to say. The length of the book seems to be determined by how dense the author thinks the audience is. The majority of the book is different ways of saying what was said in one line in one portion of the book. Maybe I’m the only one who feels this way; it’s certainly possible. But this length of drumming something into my brain is why I prefer books like “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a tiny book that makes its point and then allows the reader to soak it in. I like that in a book.
I have gotten a revelation from “A Course In Miracles,” though. I always felt, when I figured out whatever I was supposed to learn in this lifetime, my life would then be over. I realized that may not be the case. I can continue on as an example and driving force for what I’ve learned. That had not really occured to me before. It’s an interesting concept. I do realize, by living on, I will fine tune the skills I’ve learned and experience many opportunities to practice the things I’ve learned. It’s an interesting idea and one I’m looking forward to experiencing. The other nice thing about reading “A Course In Miracles,” is learning I am on the right track, the things I’ve figured out to this point are spot on, and I’m looking forward to some more revelations.
I still have a lot to learn. Like how to enjoy my life. Seems like such a basic thing and one that everyone should already understand but I do not. I do appreciate my life and, for the most part, I’d say I enjoy it. But where’s the laughter and the joy? I want more of that! I want to feel like most moments are learning experiences filled with wonderment and excitement. Maybe I’m asking too much. I’m sure many will think I am. However, I have learned I have to identify what I want in order for it to manifest. So, I want a life filled with learning, joy, wonder, pleasure, and excitement. Maybe “A Course In Miracles” will help me figure out how I’m missing out on the life I desire.